Why do I find it so hard to not feel angry

[Free petal]

I I would really like to know if anyone else feels like me in that situations where other people feel so much anger towards what my ex husband still says towards me which effects everyone. I just don’t have the anger in me to do much. I know it frustrates people as they can’t understand why I am like this . I just don’t have the heart to be a nasty person. I just seem to cope with it. I want to change but I just never seem to . I get angry when I talk to others about it but can’t focus my anger on him which I feel by now I should. Any ideas please xx

[KIP.]

My anger when I was with him was met with horrendous abuse so I buried my angry feelings which caused mental health problems because not having your feelings validate can bring depression and anxiety, anger back then triggered his abuse. Perhaps it’s similar.

[KIP.]

Shannon Thomas book Healing From Hidden Abuse is good. It takes you through the stages of recovery x

[Gruss]

@free petal- Yes, I have the same feelings and experiences as well only that my case I’m still married. It is as if he hasn’t committed any offense and I suppose the anger gets misdirected to other people but never towards him. I would overreact to minor issues with other people but never towards his abuse, lies, affairs and deceitfulness. He has alienated me from my family and friends. It’s very puzzling. If only I could understand why I have this fear that is so crippling.

Thanks Kip for the lead.
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[Put the kettle on]

I wasn’t allowed to express any emotions or feelings so learnt how to bury them as a coping/, survival mechanism. When the relationship ended I went through different emotions such as grieving the relationship, denial, and more recently after accepting he was/is abusive the anger appeared. For such a long time I didn’t experience any anger either

[Free petal]

Thank you all for your kind replys. I am glad to know it’s kind of normal to feel like this. I can see also how feeling numb is probably my way of coping with it all. I hope I can get more strength as each day passes by xx

[Author]

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