Why do i think it’s me? Is it?

[Shazza]

Came home to him drinking already which is never good. Hes been very paranoid the last few days, constantly asking who im texting if i look at my phone and not believing me if i say im just looking at my photos etc. Hes made it seem like im being secretive which im really not as im really not doing anything. But now im wondering if its my fault he feels like that and maybe im doing something to make him feel that way? Hes constantly putting me down at the moment but then acting like he has been nice to me and like he hasnt been hurtful. Im finding it really confusing. He wont give me any privacy, and if i shut a door to use the bathroom or to get changed then he will find an excuse to come in and accuses me of being horrible if i say the door is closed for a reason.
He has grabbed me this evening but then told me that he hasnt done anything wrong and has almost managed to convince me that it hasn’t actually happened and that it wasn’t that bad. Why does my brain then believe what he is saying? What is wrong with me that i think all this is my fault?

[Watersprite]

Hi Shazza it isn’t you – he is abusive. He is denying your privacy and coercive control. He is putting you down that is emotional abuse and now he has grabbed you. Please seek support women’s aid this forum GP a trusted friend?
If he is escalating which he sounds like he is you really need to consider your safety and next steps and . Read Lundy Bancroft why does he do that?
The confusion he is causing by lying and denying is deliberate to maintain his control. It’s not you or your brain it’s a normal response to gaslighting. I would keep your cards close to your chest while you learn more and get support but keep your phone with you and call police if you are unsafe. Keep posting when you can – you are not alone x

[Anonymous]

Because it is always the same with abusive men.

They try to make you believe you are at fault.

Simple. Simple. Every woman on here tells the same story.

Please wise up.

[nbumblebee]

No. Simple as that.
Its not you because if its you then its me and a thousand other women on here.
They mess with our heads so we believe its us.
Read posts on here see what we all say we all go through this feeling I certainly do each and every day but we have to find a way to get through it and start to believe in ourselves cause only then can we look at getting some help even getting away.
Talk to someone you trust about your worries and fears and read all you can to help you on your journy x*x

[Eyesopening]

Nothing is wrong with you, abuse creates very powerful chemical reactions in us. We have all experienced it or are experiencing the same thing. Learn about trauma bonding and cognitive dissonance, you can search them on YouTube. Keep learning, this is not your fault. All fault lies with the person who is doing this to you, this is what he wants and is aiming for.
‘All life’s important battles and conflicts are fought within ourselves’
The only way is within, through research and through loving the self, caring for yourself first.
x*x

[Shazza]

Thank you everyone, i really appreciate your replies. I’m so sorry that we are all going through this x

[Amialonenow]

Hi im new and I am sorry to jump on your post I don’t no how else to get message on here, so I’m in a situation where I am alone since my mom died (detail removed by moderator) my family have stopped talking to me all I have is my partner who I feel can be horrible to me at times but when I say anything or I am nasty bk it’s all me and its my fault we am arguing I’m never right in what I’m saying and telling him it hurts my feelings never works I love him so much it hurts we am about to break up and I’m in so much pain all I wanna do is go and sort it out with him but I feel unseen in our relationship and so alone and he can be nasty I don’t no if I am really just 2 sensitive or I’m not going crazy, I’m at my end tbh I see no light if we split up now no mom no family no friends only him and my child so much has happened 2 lead up 2 this point but I’m so scared I have no1 at all

[liftingthefog]

Hi Iamalonenow,
What your describing is the beginning of behaviour that from my own experience and I am sure many others on here, will only escalate.
No it is not you, but you will be confused and manipulated into thinking that it is.
Have you done The Freedom Programme, you can do it online for £12 and revisit it as many times as you need to … I didn’t realise until I did it how insidiously the abuse becomes our normal. Do the programme and you will begin to see the fog that he is creating lift.
Keep safe and big hugs.
🤗xx

[Getting their 12]

Hello I’m not sure if I am in an abusive relationship with my ex boyfriend, I have supported him throughout the years and I was always there for him but when I need support or someone to talk to he says my problems are not adult problems he says their not problems that are to be upset about which makes me feel very much alone I cannot come to him for support. He mad fun of me for living with my mom I told him I was saving he said your always saving your the oldest you should of moved out which made me feel like a failure I feel like I can’t do anything right and I feel like I am a failure, he says that I’m too sensitive and it’s annoying him is this abuse or am I being sensitive?

[Author]

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