- This topic has 7 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 11 months ago by
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Why do we stay with these men, why do we choose to stay despite everything. For me I should be able to leave as we don’t live together, don’t have children together but here I am still bonded to him. It is such a cycle – the screaming, the wanting to be with me, the I love yous, the hatred and spitting in anger. He’s gotten used to calling me a selfish c…t nowadays. He likes that one. Then I’ve had all the rubbish from him about why he acts the way he does – actually not blaming me but explaining what goes on inside his head. I suppose that’s a start. For him to acknowledge it. He tried to explain it to me. I get the brunt of it because I am close to him and other strangers get the best of him. What is wrong with me?????? I have more peace without him in my life. Yes I have missed him but I’ve been sleeping and eating. Now I am being dragged back in again…
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you are still posting on here PTH and I for one am very glad to ‘hear’ you.Yes, it is a cycle.
We get stronger. We get stronger.The ‘selfish’ accusation is very telling. I would call it interesting if it didn’t sting so much.
But then, maybe you would agree that it is designed to sting and hurt us.Normal, healthy relationships allow a person to practice self-care and look after themselves.
Trauma bonded ones somehow don’t allow us to claim space for ourselves, do things that benefit our welfare. Be encouraged to do things that benefit our welfare. AFter all the likelihood that
if we look after ourselves we are better in relationships, surely. It is all wrong to label it as
‘selfish’…hope you can do the things that stop you ‘being dragged in again’ it is so hard, even if you don’t live with someone.
ftc
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I hate him when he is at his worst but it’s almost like I forget it when he turns on the charm and he has threatened to kill us both, take me with him. I think all lies because he wouldn’t have the guts quite frankly. I think he has gone through his life manipulating and getting his own way and his mother let’s him get away with it all. He is (detail removed by moderator) by the way! I can see through it but I can’t leave. What an idiot I am. I moved into a new house a few months ago and instead of getting myself sorted in here I am posting on here to just get by when I should be making a home for myself but he almost destroyed that too…
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Always take it seriously when an abuser threatens to kill you, darling. Please.
Have you reported this to anyone? Just think of all the women who have died at the hands of their partners. There’s always a load of friends and neighbours in the media saying they never would have believed it possible and didn’t see it coming. Always.
You need to believe him and take steps to get yourself safe. Take it seriously.
Flower x
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Dear peacethroughhealing
The thing is…he is who he is..hes shown you wat hes capable of. He will do this repeatedly, and yes, more.
Please dont ever take threats lightly. He has had this thought, run it through his head, tht shows worrying wrong thinking, not to mention highly dangerous
There are women who never experienced any physical violence or threats but murdered. Someone who makes death threats needs reporting immediately. The police should not be taking that lightly.
Your safety is paramount, always.
Warmest wishes
TS
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