Why do

[Ssss]

I have to constantly justify myself… I retureturn from work… feed and sort out children… as he managed to open a tin for one meal… but they’ve had nothing else. I tidy up put on washing sort kids out put to bed etc… while he lies on sofa watching tv. I am called a lazy cow who does nothing… and he’s the only one who does anything… he goes from sofa to computer… maybe little snack for himself and back… he’s never used washing machine etc…. I often come from work and have to goand get milk bread etc… but I kno how it is and who does what… so why do I have to constantly justify to myself and I get cross with myself for doing it.

[lover of no contact]

Yes abusers are so lazy. They only do things when it benefits them and as part of their façade of being a good person. They leave all the responsibilities to us because they know we can’t leave the chores/meals done…as we care…we care about the children etc. They don’t care. And they like seeing us ‘run ragged’, harried, stressed and exhausted. We are easier to control that way and they get to do fun things like computer, watch tv . Yes they all have similar patterns and behaviours. Mine was the same. Abuser/bully colleagues are the same at work. They all give the appearance they are pulling their weight but the work is left to the non-abusers. Abusers are so similar. Its good we can see it now. I lived with one, was reared by one, didn’t see it, so grateful for the awareness I have now.

Awareness is painful and hard at first. But then comes acceptance (realising they will never change) and then action (where we choose not to be around them). We can’t control the abusers we can only choose how long we want to be in their company.

3A’s…Awareness, Acceptance and Action.

Keep posting to take the actions that are needed when living with an abuser.

[Freedomfighter]

Hi Ssss, yes, why do we keep justifying ourselves? I’m exactly like you, I know full well that his idea of working all the hours God sends as he is for ever saying is 1 hrs work spread out over 8 hrs. And yet I’m still pushing myself to the limit and beyond. As lover of no contact said, it’s because we care, we have a conscience and can’t just sit back when things need doing. They know this, they know that if they leave it long enough or make a dreadful hash of things, that we will take care of everything. That’s why they select us. We are givers, caters, but they just take, take, take until we have nothing left to give. I’m planning my escape, they will never change. Plan your road to freedom, you and your children deserve better, we all do. Good luck

[Daisy]

I think it’s because of all you have been through with him Ssss, he’s wore you down to think you can’t manage without him or can’t win against him but you still are able to question this because you can see daily that he adds to all you have to do and doesn’t lighten the load at all really other than being a present adult whilst you work, and the rest.are you all in his house, or is he in yours?
Sending you love and strength Ssss,
X x x

[Author]

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