7th June 2021 at 7:56 pm #126825PinkypantherParticipant
I was with my ex a lot of years was quite young when we got together. I never suffered physical abuse it was all mental and emotional.
I didn’t even realise what was happening it only all hot home when my children got temporary removed from our care.
He’s gone got his own place but won’t admit it’s over he wants us back together after the children are home if he is deemed safe to be there. He says he’s sorry for what he did and thinks that makes it ok but yet is still trying to do the same things using our children to hurt me saying I will break their hearts and they will never forgive me and won’t want to come home if he’s not their. He won’t admit to it being abuse says he just got annoyed and was drinking to much. He wanted me to wear nice clothes and liked seeing me wearing the nice clothes with no underwear, he says what’s so wrong with that… Maybe I don’t like revealing clothes and I hate not being allowed to wear underwear. He says he never said I couldn’t see friends or family… No he didn’t outright but again he would use the kids and anything else he could to guilt me into not doing. This is just a small bit of how he was…. How is sorry good enough?
Sorry that turned into a bit of a babble
7th June 2021 at 10:56 pm #126839Grey RockParticipant
Mine couldn’t understand when sorry stopped being enough… Probably because it’d always worked for him before. I always have him one more chance, one more chance. I don’t think he thought the chances would eventually run out. And I don’t think he ever meant sorry (or even half of the other things he’s said in the past. Words are just his currency for getting what he wants (control).
Anyway we can’t change these men. All we can do is change the pattern of abuse from our own side of the street.
I think that I was always taught to accept people’s apologies and not upset anyone. To keep the peace. And my ex def played on my wanting to be nice and kind. Thank goodness for Dr Ramani and Women’s Aid or I might still be stuck on that insane merry go round now. I’ve given up trying to find any sort of sane reasoning in his thinking. I might as well look for gold at the end of rainbows.
8th June 2021 at 8:00 am #126846KIP.Participant
He’s not sorry. Don’t listen to a word he say. Look at his actions. Coercive control is still going on. Absolutely zero contact is how to stay safe from him x starting today x
8th June 2021 at 8:59 am #126847BettertimesaheadParticipant
This hit home with me. I stayed way too long, my children are adult. Same as you, nothing physical but emotional and sexual. I can remember walking to a pub with him once in shorts and top that I felt ridiculous in. Hated every minute and hated myself for doing it but wasn’t strong enough then. Since he’s been gone there has not been an ounce of remorse but lots of it was apparently other people’s fault. Never his. I have no contact now but no closure as he ignores all my solicitor nletters. But I am happier even now
8th June 2021 at 12:30 pm #126865PinkypantherParticipant
Thank you for your replies. He moved out almost three weeks ago. He still has stuff at my house and finds any daft reason to come round. My house is with a housing association and they have told me he will need to sign a document to take his name off the tenancy only other way is to get a court order. he says as his name is still on the tenancy he can come round whenever he wants and the police won’t do anything about it because it’s still his house and he’s not causing a breach of the peace. I am going to have to speak to my solicitor about it and see what advice I can get
We still have contact with the children together as I don’t want to upset them anymore than this whole situation already is doing but if things don’t improve I may have to change that.
I’m getting stronger and the things he does arnt working like they did before, he hates this I think because he doesn’t feel in control anymore, he now tells me I’m being controling and am just doing this to get what I want without even thinking about the kids and what they want.
It’s like he’s trying to do whatever he can to hurt me so I’ll do whatever he wants again….that’s not happening, not a chance. Xx
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