Why does it feel like things are getting worse without him

[Sains]

I left my abuser about (detail removed by moderator) very hard years of nothing but abuse that I hide from everyone but (detail removed by moderator) he took it far to far again and rape me so I have left and won’t go back but thing seem to be getting worse for me not better for the past week I have done nothing but cry and (detail removed by moderator) and in my head he is right I can’t do this world without him and I am constantly living with the feelings that his hands are around my neck and can’t shift it! Does it get any easier

[Buildmeupbuttercup]

Dear Sains,

I’m so sorry about the abuse you suffered and the effect it’s had on you. No one deserves to suffer like that.

I’ve been raped multiple times, the first time was several years ago now. It was so so so painful emotionally and I developed a drinking problem to cope with it. I also slept around in an unsafe way and physically harmed myself. My mental health got worse and worse over the course of a couple years but it was largely caused by being raped in the first place.

Essentially, it got worse before it got better and the worst of it felt like way too much to cope with. But I’m still here and even though I’m still traumatised, there is much more to my life than the trauma. EMDR helped also.

You are already doing amazing without your abuser, you’ve found a supportive space and shared your experience. That takes a lot of bravery and strength. I hope you find these forums helpful.

Take care xx

[Dolly2019]

I was the same. My drinking increased in the relationship and when it ended I slept around in an unsafe way too. I can’t get past the humiliation of them instigating a rape, then he stopped midway (after strangling me) to call me a s**t as if I asked for it and he didn’t want it. When I think back now I wonder why i haven’t just had him locked up already.

[Sains]

Thanks for reply he has raped me a few times over the years but this time just felt far to much for me to cope with and I had to leave but I have struggled with really bad mental health (detail removed by moderator) but I thought leaving would help me not feel as bad but I think the stress of what’s coming next is making me want to die

[Buildmeupbuttercup]

Hi again, I’m sorry for the late reply. Having suicidal thoughts is so so difficult and horrible. Do you have any support?

[StrongLife]

Yes, in time things get better. You will learn things and move away from the abuse and life becomes easier.

I’m time – I believe (I’m not there yet) I will have nothing but memories with little trauma/fright/fear attached to it.

[Author]

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