Why does it hurt so much?

[Sci-figirl]

I have known for months that I wanted to end our relationship and have been preparing myself little by little. It finally happened. It was an important day which should have been focused on me, so of course he went out of his way to try and ruin it. I wouldn’t let him, I just carried on and ignored his behaviour. And so he started screaming and destroying things, in front of our young child, who does no more than tell him to leave! He gave me strength and so I did too. I stuck to it. I was firm. And he left. He harassed, begged, pleaded, came to the house. I grey rocked him so hard. Now he’s stopped. Getting a third party to contact regarding his things. Why is it this is worse? It feels like despite everything he wins because now he gets to cut me out and pretend I don’t exist. Like he’s the victim in the scenario! I’m angry and frustrated. And hurting. Not because I want him, but because I feel so betrayed. I know he is a n********t and an abuser and this is all wasted on him. I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to be angry. I just want to move on. I’m so angry at myself for feeling like this when I know there is not one positive to him being in my life. I know it’s the trauma bond and all those chemicals running around my body. I want to be glad that its over. But right now I’m just hurting. I know it wasn’t real, but the love I had for him felt so real. What a truly awful thing this is to do to a person.

[Footballfan1]

Hi Sci-figirl,

Well done for getting out.
It’s going to be a slow process sorting out your thoughts and feelings.
Don’t focus on him moving on, leave him to it.
Focus on you and your child.

He will play the victim, it’s an abusers trait.
They play it very well.
Try not to be bothered about it, I know it’s easier said than done.
Let the anger run it’s course, it’s normal to feel angry for all you and your child have been through.
Try to look towards the future as much as possible, be hopeful.
Months later, I still have angry days or moments, followed by sad days.
I am also having good days more often now.
I’m looking forward to a Christmas abuse free.
Keep posting xx

[Jellytot]

This reminds me of myself so much
I am hurting I feel angry as you say it felt like real love to us it was real love I am starting to come to terms with the fact he doesn’t give a s**t about anyone but himself they do play the victim so well all his family members think it was me my ex has completely gone awol even moved on all In the space of 3 months I still get my days sad angry crying in shock the list can go on but I know deep down we aren’t meant to be together it took me a few good years to work this out. Try and stay strong you’ll soon start having more good days then bad x

[Author]

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