Viewing 4 reply threads
  • Author
    • #162927

      Ex partner and father of my child has emotionally abused me and coercively controlled me for years. Finally broke free of him and reported his behaviour to the police, they weren’t interested at all, said things like “I don’t really think you’ve got a case, it would be more cut and dry if he hit you” before even taking my statement and then “I have no idea why women stay with men like him, I’d never do that” “(detail removed by moderator)” it’s been nearly a month now and haven’t heard anything back, I’ve been waiting for about 6 weeks for a support worker and IDVA to contact me. He’s now stopped all child maintenance payments and refusing to see our daughter, but constantly threatening me with court. I just feel hopeless.

    • #162930

      Unfortunately far too many police don’t care. It is one of the professions that has the highest number of abusers in it’s service.

      They’re not trained properly in dv. The psychology around why survivors stay is not taught – it should be but it’s not. They just don’t get it.

      Don’t get me wrong, there are some outstanding dv police officers out there, my friend is one of them but society in general us still woefully uneducated about this issue. Progress is very, very slow.

      If you haven’t already contacted your local dv charity, please do. Sone of them are really good and can help to support you.

    • #162938

      The police can be truly awful. After I was raped they told me I was lucky I wasn’t injured. I know women who have been told by police that they were lucky for the opposite reason. One of them thought I was lying about the rape too and her and a SARC employee ganged up on me to tell me that. Seriously traumatic.

    • #163027

      Police in my circumstances blamed me. Did nothing, gave him orders, did nothing to help (continue to do so), did not give me advice nor offer accommodations – no telephone numbers nor crisis support or said nothing.
      Many many calls to police. It was like they were ignoring the situation but I am sure that they knew it was happening.
      I got
      – it’s my fault
      – not coming when I called police (had to flee immediately)
      – never recorded it in police reports or lost the police reports.
      – refused to come over

      When I have called on behalf of others when I’ve witnessed it myself –
      – not turning up – but talking to me instead ie neighbour (no attendance at perpetrators house at all) after women seriously hurt in public view.

      They need a special team for this.

      They are dealing with violence and crime against vulnerable women and children and I feel it was totally ignored and in my case could have resulted in something different occurring for me
      Ie safe home, evidence, reduction in incidences.
      All they needed to do is tell me support line numbers or tell me about accommodations quickly. (not advertised at time) After this there was lack of funding going forward for support services.

      That is my experiences with police. I moved away in the end – police did very little – support services help.

      I have a lot of grief and anger about the police (non) response.

    • #163037
      Main Moderator

      Hi Stronglife,

      I’m sorry to hear of your experiences with the police and how unsupported you felt.

      The first role of the police when they are called after an incident of domestic abuse is to ensure that you and any children are safe, and to protect you from further harm.

      As your safety is the most important issue, the police should allow you to speak with them away from your abuser, so you do not feel intimidated or scared. The police will take a statement from you, and you can request a woman police officer if you would feel more comfortable with this.

      The following explains some of the ways the police should help and support you:

      Protecting you and your children by removing the risk of further abuse; ideally by arresting and removing the perpetrator.

      Arranging first aid or other medical assistance such as an ambulance.

      Finding out what has happened by taking into account the known risk factors associated with domestic abuse.

      Offering you support and reassurance by helping you to access other agencies (for example Women’s Aid).

      Arranging transport to a safe place if you want this.

      Police officers can use their powers to intervene, arrest, caution or charge your abuser. If your abuser is arrested, they can be held for up to 24 hrs (36 hrs at the weekend) before the police need to charge him.

      If your abuser is no longer at your property (or at the scene) when the police arrive, they can still be arrested. The police should circulate a description and make every effort to find him.

      Ideally, you would of been in touch with police officers that have been trained in domestic abuse to ensure they support appropriately. Understandably you have grief and anger over the way you were denied the proper support to make you safe. If ever you feel able or wanting to, you can report and make a formal complaint to the Independent Office for Police Conduct for England and Wales. A local domestic abuse worker can help you with this.

      Again, I’m very sorry you had these experiences when reaching out for help to the police. All women need to feel able to call 101 or 999 whenever needed and get the right level of help. It’s important women do not feel unable to rely on this service for protection, as many women do get the support they need also. If ever anyone feels unsupported by police, please speak to your local domestic abuse service, where a worker can approach them and challenge them on this.

      Take good care,


Viewing 4 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2024 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials


Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content