Why don’t people believe you?

[CoopCloud]

I left (detail removed by moderator). Abuse still ongoing as we have kids together.

I don’t really have friends in this area, I never did. I just kept to myself because his friends always hated me/would say nasty things to me, and he would tell me I imagined it etc or I deserved it.

But it’s ongoing..

I had people (detail removed by moderator) randomly message me accusing me of abusing him, that they don’t believe me because they were victims of abuse, that I should leave him alone. I blocked them, they moved onto (detail removed by moderator)

I’m constantly told I couldn’t have been abused because he wouldn’t do that; that I’m mentally ill (this is something he spread for a long time, I found out later) and must have abused him…

When I got assaulted, lots of “friends” deleted me (detail removed by moderator)

I got told I must be lying, had an affair etc, because he said so.

Got accused of using the kids; when the only reason I stayed for years was because he threatened to take the kids if I tried to leave and would lock me in everytime I did try to. And then he’d say sorry etc, and the cycle

The school don’t believe me because I started dating someone new; but it’s someone safe and familiar and green flags etc; (detail removed by moderator)

Social worker doesn’t believe me. (detail removed by moderator)

Friends keep telling me to stop talking about it, “you need to move on,” “did he really do that?” “Why are you still going on about it?” etc… can’t “move on” when we have kids and he’s sending regular nasty messages or using the kids or hurting the kids to hurt me.. and they keep defending him or saying that they believe me /but/… and then having an excuse for him. Or it’s “if it was that bad, why didn’t you leave?”

I somehow made myself a social pariah with all the parents, too.. he’s always been more social than me, so he probably made friends with everyone since he lives 5 mins from the school and I live 20/25… can’t move schools without his consent. Everyone avoids me; I’m not good socially anyway but it’s harder when you recognise negative body language.

I keep having people tell me they’re DA victims, too… Then they tell me that they’re “sorry it happened to you, if it’s true”. And I just don’t understand. If my friend told me they were being abused, I’d believe them. Not say “if it’s true”. So now I don’t trust or believe anyone… Especially as many of them went on to speak to him and I learnt about flying monkeys etc.

[Stargazing1]

@Coopcloud , I really feel for you when it comes to people not believing you. Most people are not with us when things are going badly for us . You sound has though you are in a situation where a great deal of people are against you and that in my eyes seems very very unfair . I don’t have as many people as you do what think I’m over Reacting but some time ago I was nearly at the finish line and then became a coward I didn’t leave. My daughter said if I left my husband I would be doing the wrong thing but she’s not around when he’s bellowing at me and belittling me . You yourself know what goes on like me I know what goes on . They seem to put on a different face for others they know how to play the game. I’m truly sorry to hear that you are not believed. I at present are blaming myself for everything that goes on because I’m not very strong and mental health plays a big part in my life so I blame myself. I wish nothing but the very best for you and you prove all those not listening to you wrong. Take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel. I spoke out after years of emotional abuse. After years of gaslighting I finally broke down and of course there he was with his phone recording me. He got family and friends involved, all saying I’m crazy he couldn’t put up with MY bevaviour!
I feel so alone, nobody speaks to me I’m sure he is showing this recording of me to his mates etc and of course they all believe Mr Perfect is the victim, they never saw what happened before.
My health is in tatters, my life is destroyed. He is trying to break me mentally and financially. Mental health just want to stick labels on me they don’t get what’s been going on, he told them I have problems so he must be telling the truth! Why can’t these so called professionals see what he really is? I’m not paranoid, delusional etc. It’s like being gaslit all over again not listening to me or telling me it’s not true etc. What hope is there.
You’re told to speak out then you’re not believed, mentally unwell, that’s exactly what he wants, funny I didn’t have any problems before him.
I’m trapped, if I speak out I’m wrong , if I keep quiet I’m not engaging, when I’ve had enough I’m suicidal, my mind is disturbed. He can sell my things and make my life a living hell but there’s nothing I can do or anything anyone else wants to do. Where is this law that is meant to protect us as far as I can see it’s just on paper and doesn’t really do anything.

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