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    • #19597
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I’m sure the police said that he had to report back to them (detail removed by Moderator)… And at some point between then and now they were going to decide if they were going to charge him or not. I know that the police believed me which meant so so much to me. And I didn’t want him charged initially- I didn’t want him in trouble or potentially losing his job… But since then he’s even managed to successfully use me calling the police against me via social services. He’s said to that in the past that I’m mentally ill and unstable- so he’s used this as more ‘proof’ to them of how crazy I am… And the social worker swallowed it all. She asked what my ‘mental diagnosis’ is…. I don’t have one! I’m not mentally ill but if I were it still doesn’t make her believing him rite. It’s abuse my proxy. I’ve seen a solicitor for advice and made a complaint about ss and the sw… But now I feel If he’s not charged- then people will believe him. My dad says if he’s not charged it’s not because they think he’s innocent.. More that there’s not enough evidence for it to go to court. And I know some of you ladies have suffered far worse so for it to go to clirt maybe would be a waste of money and time… But he’s waisted years of my life. He’s destroyed my life, he’s physically attacked me more than once and spat at me…. I live in a small place, everyone knows everyone and I’ve had not choice but to keep myself isolated because I can’t face defending myself against him. He’s so convincing and charming- no one is ever going to believe me. They will all believe I’m crazy and I lied- I’ll never be able to move on and make friends or have a new relationship (not that I want one) because him getting away with this will just say to everyone that knows us that he didn’t do it 😢

    • #19626
      KIP.
      Participant

      There is no smoke without fire. People know deep down but just don’t want to admit it or get involved. Your dad is right. Just because they don’t charge him doesn’t mean he didn’t do it. You have been brave and strong in reporting him in the first place. That took courage. Well done to you. Ask for another social worker if you’re not happy with the one you have. These men can be charming but play the long game. They always trip themselves up in the end like what he said to the police when they took him away. Idiots x

    • #19642
      godschild
      Participant

      Hi, Is it not possible to contact the Police to find out if he is being charged, did they give ya crime number when you spoke to them at the hotel , this would give you abit of help with the thoughts you are having, will pm you later
      xx

    • #19647
      Starmoon
      Participant

      I do have the paper work they gave me on the night somewhere so if I haven’t heard today then maybe I’ll call tomorrow. I shouldn’t let my thoughts run away with me but it’s so hard not to 🙁

    • #19658
      KIP.
      Participant

      Ring and ask what is happening. In my experience it is a case of whoever shouts the loudest. You’re just one of thousands of cases x

    • #19665
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      Hi Starmoon, it is so hard when we finally start to understand and admit the abuse to ourselves only to find ourselves at the mercy of the opinions of others. I can clearly remember the shock of the police’s serious reaction to my disclosures and the IDVA who referred us to social care describing the abuse against me as ‘horrendous’. It took me a long time to take that on board. Months later, once I’d got my head around that and we were at the court stage, I had a social worker who swallowed a my ex’s nonsense totally and it was devastating. It threw me straight back into self-doubt and confusion after all that work. With hindsight I can see how poorly trained and inexperienced these people often are. I believe they are avoidant and lack the emotional capacity to really engage with their clients. Please don’t allow one person, who lacks understanding, to panic you. Remain as calm as possible when dealing with these people and listen to those who really know and care for you such as your dad. Hold fast to your truth. We all deserve justice however ‘bad’ it was, we may not get it but that doesn’t stop us deserving it x*x

    • #19676
      Ayanna
      Participant

      You can ring 111 and find out from them.
      They have a duty to keep you informed.
      Imagine, the ex got away with raping me and I also got divorced for unreasonable behavior.
      I moved to a different area and nobody knows anything about me here.
      I could have men every day if I wanted. I just do not want.
      He told everyone that I had paranoia.
      Who cares today? Nobody.
      It hurts when they get away. It hurts a lot … 🙁

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