Why is he telling people this…

[Highway61]

Left about (detail removed by Moderator) ago and have minimum contact since. We have kids, he has rang them (detail removed by Moderator) times for about 5 mins. (detail removed by Moderator) he hung up on my youngest because he said he couldn’t his dad properly because he was pressing buttons.
I have discovered that he has told his friends that I have had some sort of break down and left while he moves out. He has told.one friend that I have problems and have just decided to blame my problems on him.and that he has done absolutely nothing wrong, nothing has happened. Some if his friends and family have text me to pass a message on from him about the house etc, they have all been ‘hey, hope you’re okay hun’ gentle.
The kids had asked if they could facetime him but he hasn’t got a smartphone so I asked him if he wanted to Skype the kids. He said ‘no thanks’. Now I find out that he has smashed the laptop so it isn’t working and cant be repaired (this is my laptop that I left for him so that he could get in touch with the kids and sort out other stuff) and now his phone is broken so he has no means of telephone contact. At the same.time be has emailed me to ask me when I’m coming back to my flat becaus he is missing the kids and says he has just had to not think.about them at all.because it makes him.too sad.
I want to go.home to my flat now that he is gone and I know the kids would like to go.back.too but I am really worried about how his story about me being unwell and how he might manipulate or mess with the boys heads, or mine. He keeps saying (detail removed by Moderator) about the whole separation but then he smashes up the laptop and tells people I’ve had a mental breakdown. I cant work out how he is going to be with me once I’m back as he has obviously made out I’m unwell which would sort of.mean.he cant be horrible because he couldn’t justify it to his friends this makes me more worried that he is going to turn his attention on the kids. I just start feeling better and then something unsettled me. I could really do with a good nights sleep.

[KIP.]

This is typical abuser behaviour. He’s discrediting you so that when the truth comes out about his abusive behaviour he can say see I told you she was mental. Making himself out to be the victim in all this for sympathy and to get others on his side. He needs his flying monkeys. This is him showing his true colours about the kids too. He’s already messing with their heads. He simply doesn’t care and is using them to manipulate you. Imagine if the roles were reversed and you had to make arrangements to have contact with your kids. You’d move heaven and earth. Saying he misses them is trying to use guilt to control you. Destroying your laptop, trying to force contact. All abuser tricks. If you are positive he’s moved out of your flat then get the locks changed and tell him if he turns up you will ring the police. You need to set boundaries and stop chasing him to make contact with his kids. Tell him what days and times he can skype them and if he misses that time then there’s no contact outside that. The kids need continuity. He’s already turned his attention on the kids by ignoring them. Abusers are liars and manipulators and great at gaslighting. How he can’t think about the kids because it make him too sad. What nonsense. (detail removed by Moderator) times in (detail removed by Moderator) says it all x don’t try to force contact. Get yourself mentally in a good place and you too start to cut contact. Use a third party for contact arrangements and concentrate on you and your children x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, have you heard the saying ‘setting you up for a fall’. He’s getting his side in first that’s all. If he’s left your flat, get your locks changed, you can do it yourself, my daughter’s done it many times now, or you could get your landlord/housing association to do it. That might come with a charge though. These men are extremely manipulative especially when we start to stand up to them. Plan for the worst case scenario, put steps in place and you should be able to relax a little bit more. As Kip says, he’s now turning his attention to the children. Many abusive partners will do this in order to continue their abuse of the other person. They know we’ll do anything to stop our children getting hurt. Let the professionals know what you’ve been through, talk to wa,your doctor. The more people we open up to the less the secret is hidden. Coercive crazy making behaviour is a criminal offence now, it can come with a mandatory prison sentence. Try and not waste energy defending yourself against his accusations, he may not be living with you but he’s still using up your energy to feed him.
Keep posting and reading others posts, learn everything you can so you can see, its not you,it is him.
💞💞

[Author]

Posts