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So I’m new to this. The past decade I’ve been oblivious to what he’s been doing and thought it was normal. It’s only now I can how wrong and sick and twisted our relationship is.
Today he was supposed to work all day. The plan was to bring up the courage to phone women’s aid. I didn’t know what to say to them or how to say what’s going on. I never speak to anyone unless husband is with me because he helps telling me what to say.
So I got up and was met with ‘I’m not working now’. I said why and he said he’s changed his hours this week.
So I’ve been with all day just sitting here doing my crafts.
Over the weekend I was pondering can I live like this? Could I survive without him? Last night I was set. I was going to continue with things how they are. I mean since Friday he’s been so nice to me. We’ve been laughing and there was a glimmer of hope. So I said to him thank you for being nice to us again sand his reply was don’t bring up the past.
I went to bed early and he woke me up by groping me and trying to do things. I said I’m tired to which the reply is always just lay still then. I said no but these words never go into his head. I can usually use bleeding as an excuse for my frigidness but I wasn’t bleeding and he has started checking my pants. Anyway he got more aggressive with me I know that if I just say no he does things to me that hurt me more than just laying still. So I jumped up and said I feel sick and dashed to the loo locked the door and made myself sick. He knocked the door but once he heard me puking he left.
When I returned to bed he just rolled away and said disgusting.
So I full on wanted to phone WA. He proved that things aren’t going to change and I proved that I can’t cope with the treatment.
He’s once again been ok today, not that I spoke to him, so I thought once again maybe he is ok.
Then when he came in from picking our son up I could hear him talking and the first thing he said to my son as he came inside was shut up you idiot. Why do you have to be so stupid.
W*F is wrong with this man?!
Sorry I just needed a place air all my problems sorry ladies for the long brain f**t
Hope everyone is doing well -
Sex without consent is rape. Sex must be given freely without the fear of consequences or coercion. Google the cycle of abuse. The nice times don’t last long because they are fake. The real him is a selfish nasty person. They destroy our confidence and that of their children. Don’t worry about not being able to speak when you first ring the helpline. I made a few silent calls before I could speak. The ladies are lovely and understand x
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I totally agree with KIP.
You have the right to live your life free of abuse, as do your children. Are you able to use the phone at the home of a trusted friend or family member so that you can speak to someone at WA? (I appreciate it might be difficult to leave the house.)
In my experience, the ‘ok’ times are just meant to lull us into a false sense of security. They don’t last.
Do let us know how you get on. All the best to you. -
Well done for getting out of that. It must have taken so much courage.
It’s not an ideal solution of course, please don’t be making yourself sick on a regular basis. These toxic people already cause us so many illnesses through the stress, and the body being flooded with ‘fight or flight’ chemicals so often.
What he said to your son was wrong, and is horribly abusive. Those sort of words stay with a child.
What he’s doing to you is very, very wrong too. Sadly, he won’t stop that behaviour.
Hopefully he will go back to work soon so you can get on the ‘phone.
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What an awful experience. Well done at reckognised that it isn’t ok. If it helps, I was seriously disabled when I left my abuser and was terrified I wouldn’t cope without him. I was so used to being controlled that I couldn’t imagine being able to manage if I had to control my own life. It turned out that when I control my own life however I am both happier and more well. I have underlying disabilities, but they were exacerbated by the abuse, making me think that I was sicker than I am. I hope you find a safe time to call women’s aid soon.
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