Why is the guilt mine

[Daffy03]

My partner has been charged with crimes from a previous relationship – I will forever feel now I cant escape, I cant involve the police, they have a free pass to continue the way they are because the guilt I would feel trying to break free, if the police get called to the home I have to lie, they would go straight to prison and I am reminded of that all the time, I am now responsible for their behaviour.

I am forever envious that someone else got their abuse recognised and acknowledged, mine however will be silenced forever. I will for ever be responsible for their freedom and today I feel broken, I feel so broken (detail removed by Moderator).

Has anyone ever had this experience? feeling trapped because of a previous conviction.

[Marmalade]

Your partner’s behaviour is their responsibility, not yours. If they behave in a way that is abusive and criminal then that is a choice they make and if they go to prison it is their fault. You bear no responsibility whatsoever for them and their choices. If they are telling you this, they are gaslighting you.
The only responsibility you have is to yourself and for your own actions, not theirs. This person is a serial offender and will likely continue.
You are not silenced. You have a voice. Reaching out here you are using your voice. Do you have any DA support? Are you able to contact the live chat to find local agencies who a help you? Is there a sympathetic GP you could approach? Maybe make an appointment about something else and then use the opportunity away from the home to ask for help?
Keep safe and try to seek support if you can.

[Bananaboat]

If your partner attacks you, he now has a record & you’re more likely to be believed and he’ll be removed & returned to prison. I know the power of abuse is stopping you from seeing this as a good thing right now but as Marmalade said, if he chooses to attack you that’s his choice. Nothing any of us do/did justifies abuse, nothing. I have no doubt he’s laying the guilt on thick and fast to make you feel like you can never call the police but that’s him gaslighting you and trying to protect himself. Any guilt is his to bear, you don’t deserve to live in fear x

[StrongLife]

I too have felt that guilt and yrs on caught myself again today.

It’s difficult – I agree that it is his guilt to bear and not yours. Remind yourself of this when your hear yourself saying/ repeating it.

[Author]

Posts