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    • #14925
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      This was one of his favourite phrases. I’m just sat thinking about it just now. Coming to realise it meant he had nothing else to say on whatever matter it was. He would usually say it when he was trying to convince me of something eg him going away on an expensive holiday while living with me rent free wasn’t selfish. These things would upset me obviously and when I would come out with reasons why he would always insist it was nonsense and come out with that set phrase as well as a few others. He would shut me down a lot or at least try to. I hated that. I always knew though I wasn’t reinventing things and that my truth was the real truth. He made me doubt myself in many ways but he could never fully convince me of some things. I’m glad. Don’t get me wrong he played one hell of a character in the beginning, but every mask falls eventually. The more I was with him the more I started to see him for the lying, selfish rat he is. I hated him for a long time but stayed with him because I thought I loved him too. It’s mad how you can feel like that.

    • #14935
      Serenity
      Participant

      Oh, I hate it. These abusers who think they are so clever with their cryptic words.

      My ex always wanted to go abroad alone or with his mates, and when I dawned on the fact hat he hadn’t paid for ten years to take us anywhere, I told him we needed to go away as a family, he walked out.

      Yes, mine played a hell of a game at first too, but robbed me blind.

      Well, we are free now to go where we will. X*x

    • #14972
      Serenity
      Participant

      Why do you think this is?

      Why do you think they stopped wanting to do nice, normal things with us?

      I used to wonder if it was because he was ashamed of being seen with me.

      Then I wondered if he had been unfaithful or flirty when out and about, and didn’t want to bump into anyone with his family in tow.

      Then I wondered if it was because he didn’t want to spend the money.

      Now I am thinking it is because the world out there is their ‘playground’ and the domestic home ( us) is where they exert ultimate control, use us, make us weak, make us into servants, isolate us..

      A bit like a kidnapper who imprisons someone in a house. They wouldn’t take their kidnaped victim out and about, since the relationship is ultimately too abnormal. It wouldn’t look normal to other people. They have a normal, public face for others- but they act differently with us.

      They have a carefully constructed mask for other people- and don’t want us exposing them for who they are.

    • #14988
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      My ex loathed taking me anywhere too. I think you are right Serenity about keeping us separate. Makes so much sense now. I hadn’t even thought of it like that. Aren’t they awful?!

    • #14989
      Hopesprings
      Participant

      My ex spent our entire relationship going on trips without me. I still can’t shake off that anger at myself for being a mug.

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