Why now?

[Balloons]

I found when he first left I had a huge feeling of relief. Now, all this time later I feel sad, angry, confused, alone. My family keep telling me I’ve done nothing wrong and to trust myself more, but I just dont believe them. I know when i read other people’s posts on here i can see the similarities between their partners behaviours and my ex’s but I still dont really believe it, like somehow I’m the one who’s got it all wrong and I shouldnt really be here and that other people have it so much worse than me. He gets in my head so easily, and I’m mostly no contact but today he ended up coming into my house to get the children and he just went on and on about what a good father he is and how he only wants the best for them, and even though theres no direct accusations or hurtful comments I found myself instantly back to that panicky feeling. How does he get in my head so easily? Why has it taken so long for these feelings to come up? I’m so scared hes going to end up with 50 50 access with the children because from what I’ve read that’s the starting point for court, and he can seem so “nice”. What if this all backfires and my children are forced to be away from me? So so so much anxiety all of the time, I just wish it could all disappear.

[Lisa]

Hi Balloons

I just wanted to show you some support. Sorry to hear about how you are feeling, you really have done the right thing.

I know you said you are mostly having no contact, but as he came into your house, it may help to put more boundaries in place so that he doesn’t keep doing this. Everything he was saying to you was just a way for him to make you feel guilty but you haven’t done anything wrong.

You could get advice from The Coram Children’s Legal Centre is a unique, independent national charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people. They offer legal advice and representation to children, their carers and professionals throughout the UK. They can be contacted on 0300 330 5480, 8am – 6pm, Mon – Fri. The Children’s Legal Centre has a website at http://childlawadvice.org.uk/ .

Rights of Women are a voluntary organisation offering free, confidential legal advice on matters including family law, domestic abuse, children and child contact issues. Rights of Women are available on 0207 251 6577. They also have lots of useful information on their website about court that may help you. http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk<http://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk>

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Hazydayz]

Hi Balloons 🎈 hope your ok, feeling a little better today? I read what you wrote here and can relate to it, as a fellow anxiety sufferer. I think you identified that in yourself did you? Understandably you probably are? from what you described of your panicky feelings where your ex is concerned and especially relating to your childrens welfare. It’s ok, that’s normal. The affect on you of seeing your ex may, I think? Show You maybe are still coming to terms with everything, in your own way. Your possibly feeling your being revisited by all those feelings of Coercive control and manipulation if this was his style? As you worry about his influencing the courts. Try not to worry too much if you can. I know it’s easier said than done though. Hoping today IS a better day for you💞

[Balloons]

Hi, thank you for your responses. I’m gradually feeling a bit better. My solicitor has helped to calm my nerves a bit. I just really wish I could get to the point where I feel strong and happy to be independent, almost like I want to accept that this is now my new life and it doesn’t have to be bad – it’s just not what I ever imagined. People say that things will get better over time, I’m just tired of this phase. It really helps having this place to talk, thank you x*x

[Author]

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