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I feel so strongly a about this, the amount of money been put in these emergency refuges which fair enough if a victim wants to be moved from their lives. Some victims dont want to walk away from everything they have gained over the years and why should they have too? The abusers should have conditions placed on their arses straight away and strict consequences by the police if they break their conditions like spending time in jail! The only people with power are police and if us victims dont have their support then these abusers just carry on!!!
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We shouldn’t move and I didn’t move. I was considering moving out but he assaulted me and was bailed so I decided to stay in my home. Despite his best efforts at intimidation. Some women flee because of physical fear, some flee because they cannot handle the mental torture of him pushing the boundaries of bail or restraining orders. It takes great strength to stay and fight. The police can only do what the law says. The changes need to come from our rights as victims. Things are changing slowly. Too slowly.
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Of course a victim shouldn’t have to move!
But the bottom line is that, if the abuser isn’t behind bars and if he’s shown himself to be violent and if you don’t move, he knows where to find you!
Whatever restrictions are put on his contact with you or his movements generally, by the time the police know he’d breaching them it may be too late for them to help you.
And who wants to live in fear, wondering whether he’s creeping around out there in the dark or lying in wait by the door or by your car or workplace?
The ones who are like that need locking up, but mostly they aren’t. It’s not fair but it’s where lots of people are, nevertheless.
Stay safe, darling, whatever it takes.
Flower x
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Indeed, why should they?
It’s easier on everyone that’s why, except that is the victim of course.
It’s easier if victims just disappear, except it’s not dealing with the actual issue, the abuser and the damage he’s causing, to victim after victim.
The trouble is, they know where you live. Stalky types and those that have no problems using third parties to exact their revenges will continue their sick abuses through any means, even with non-molestation in place.
Like Flower says, it’s too late once the harms done!
There certainly doesn’t seem to be any answer currently to deal with them effectively.
Send them to Sweden where apparently the reoffending rates are far far lower than prisons here.
Abusers are notoriously difficult to rehabilitate though. It means up-ending their entire belief system, often not possible.
They should certainly be made to pay huge compensations for suffering and uprooting their family if family have to go into hiding, it’s no way to live, no life at all, but some acknowledgement financially would certainly be welcome!
It seems, meet an abuser and one way or another often your life is over as you knew it.
Warmest wishes
TS
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For me, moving away from my family and friends would have broken me even more. I needed what was familiar. I needed the support network I’d built up. I was prepared to take the chance and I’ve lived with his intimidating behaviour for years but I’ve learned to deal with it. He only moved less than (detail removed by moderator) miles from me. It’s taken years of anxiety, wondering if he was going to come back and finish me off. But I’d be feeling that wherever I was I think. I feel differently now. He’s not so scary now everyone knows about him. I see him as a cowardly man. I have a healthy awareness that he’s violent but he’s off to jail next time x
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Brilliant idea, TS! Say the police installed CCTV on your street and around your house and it cost him £1k every time he was picked up on it with the option of 3 months in prison (skipping court, in the back of a van and off he goes) if he can’t pay…
I think that would work better than any ordinary curfew, ankle tag, nonmol or injunction!
But I’d put a tag on his ankle too, so he could be the one under surveillance for a change.
They should just put a panel of us survivors in charge of making some new laws, really.
Flower x
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Sounds like a plan Flower!
Especially the tagging! (And fines).
I think slapping a tag on any offenders breaking the non-molestation and coming with sight of the cameras would be an excellent idea, especially as it would tell the world what he is.Tags can be set to notify can’t they? Normally for being out of range, but it can’t be difficult to swap that to getting within range of a property or persons having the detector?
Why has this not been done! It could directly alert eh police then no woman would have to feel responsible for reporting it. It’s all done direct and the perp can only blame himself!
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Moved and broken. Like person I was is dead. New name, new town, new schools, new doctor, no friends, no family. He lives two roads from my old house. I am so angry that my life was turned upside down Inthe most extreme way and yet he has been allowed to carry on living in that area. He beat me, assaulted me and did terrible things and then he punished me more by making sure I couldn’t live their…fair? No.
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