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    • #16250
      Peace and pain
      Participant

      I was in a relationship and within (detail removed by Moderator) months we got married omg it was everything i had 2 children ( the (detail removed by Moderator)year partner i left ) for this
      he has 2 children ( older young adults) the eldest would not entertain me – still to this day i dont know why i had a conversation and things he had done to me was shocking to her but again she said you can not blame the marriage problem due to her
      why the hell can i not he lost out on seeing his grandkids because of her problem everytime he tried she blank him and oh because i felt his pain itried and tried to make it better and i got the abuse verbal 90% of the time and all the arguements would revolve around my ex , my children , his children ,
      we are from such different families with such differnt morals
      i called the police becasue he kept walking out on me, made me feel it was my fault but why
      he left (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago today and still the pain is as bad he had changed his number i have not seen him ( oh sorry the day he left he went to the daughters ) its as like i am dead
      why just block me out when we seperates he make the bond he wanted with his family ( o that was why he left in (detail removed by Moderator) ) for months living apart as i got my own house in the end ( wow huge step ) but for months on and off i did a freedom programme did councilling wow i was coming back the strong person and we then worked on us and i allowed him to move in , everytyhing was great for 2 and then i felt he was keeping it from me the contact he was having with his family again i tried i asked most days have you heard and i got was no i even said they are welcome in my house ( hey lets be honest we both wanted to work on the dream ) nothing nothing nothing , 2 weeks in could start seeing the controlling factors come in and i said ( moaned ) he was not making the effort dont include me etc etc and well he went (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago has told his dad who is as confussed as me he is ok he is not saying where he is and what has happened and any paperwork i have to forward to his dads address really i dont deserve that but every day the tears roll down – people used to say his family would split us up and we always laughed and said no – how right where they and wrong was i
      why do i love him why do i want him back i jsut want to save him from the horrible twisted people

    • #16273
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi Peace and Pain,

      I am so sorry for all you’ve been through.

      Keep on posting here- you will receive support.x

    • #16274
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Dear Peace and Pain,

      Welcome to the forum! Thank you for your post. I am sorry that you are having a difficult and upsetting time. I am pleased to hear that you found the freedom program gave you strength. Please do get in touch with the helpline and your local Women’s Aid group for some ongoing support. It sounds like your relationship was stressful and has effected your confidence, your local Women’s Aid group can help you to move forward.

      I hope that you find the forum helpful. Please keep posting about your progress.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum moderator

    • #16331
      Peace and pain
      Participant

      why has he not come home why
      he used to control me all the time he used to always come back after a couple of days ( and we wherein contact over the phone during those period ) why is he doing this to me and my children i can not answer their questions

    • #16354
      Serenity
      Participant

      They often step up the abuse when they feel their controls threatened,or you have stood up to them- in order to ‘punish you.’

      You shouldn’t be put through such pain.

      My ex used abandonment as his main technique. It was horrendous.

      In the end he did a huge walkout and I spontaneously divorced him. I had had it up to the eyeballs with his emotional ( and other ) abuse.

      • #16793
        Peace and pain
        Participant

        did you ever get over it
        do you still want him back
        my husband had no contact 3 weeks and then stopped me – why i am confussed was it to hurt me or can he see he still loves me
        i emailed saying bascially no man enough to apolgise
        you walked out
        not the person i meet and will never change
        only contact will be divoice
        ( my friend wrote the email ) now i am sick to the stomach as i love him and was that his way of trying and now i have pushed him away
        friend are loosing patients with me as they all can see what he is like but tthey do not understand the domestic abuse and the games they play and deep down my husband had a c**p life and so changed with me – stopped drinking got a job ( still claimed full disabilty benifit which i have found out is fraud and they are invstigating him ) but he did change alot and i put the abuse down to his family problems who wouldnt get annoyed and angery when my life is normal ( as can be ) and his family was dis functional so i think he was jealous and then in trn that turned into abuse
        i love him so much i feel empty and can not move forward as much as i try
        why after 3 weeks nothing and then stop me

    • #16357

      Dear Peace and Pain,

      I think that he is doing it because he gets pleasure out of hurting you. He probably realizes you are so anxious and uncertain about it and that is why he is doing it. I wouldn’t mind betting if you were more like “ok, see you when i see you” and go about your business he would not use such tactics. you may find it helpful to look at these books, they really did help me to understand the various tactics these ‘men’ use. I can sympathize with your turmoil as i have been through similar recently, please do keep chatting about everything on here as it really helps. The books are called 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics in Personal Relationships and all books by H G Tudor, both are free to read immediatly on Amazon. Take, care P&P, there is light at the end of the tunnel i promise. X*X

    • #16358
      Peace and pain
      Participant

      thanks
      i stil have such mixed emotions i feel drainned i cry every day just wanting to know why – i strongly believe that all the abuse was downto his family v’s me and not been able to make it blend ( my head is saying stop excusing him ) i ahte himfor what he has down why he was never man enough to put me first his children are adults at the end of the day
      i feel sick to the stomach why marry me why come backafter we seperated to stay for (detail removed by moderator) weeks and then just go vanish as if i am dead and menat nothing to him

    • #16791
      Peace and pain
      Participant

      husband walked out 3 weeks ago ( now 4 weeks ) he changed his number , i beeged via email twice and the third email was more ok you have made your choice but what about divoice etc and i have paper workof yours . no reply nothing ( that was all the week he left ) i spoke to his dad in week 2 he didnt have a clue we where over he had heard from him he was worried – i emiled husband saying your dad is worried etc i dont understand –
      his dad was good and his step mum but couold tell me anything – husband contacted them and i recieved a call monday from step mum saying he was safe and could i forwar on any letters to them and that was it .
      week 3 on the thursday he drove past me and beeps – i beeped back and convinced my self that was his way of making contact and then i snapped out of it and through no all mind games but also said that will twist his head more than mine – i was right an hour later passed again and he shouted hello – i by this time throught what a t**t that was just perfectic and rude anyway parked outside my friends house and he had turned his ban around and followed me up there – the conversation went as
      are you ok – yes i said are you sure yes i said
      i have been told you have been slagging me off – no by who
      dont want to say ( guess that lie then ) anyway long and shout of it i was strong and said you have screwed my kids up they dont know why you left and no do i and i can not give them answer my 8 years wants to drive the streets to offer you money or a bed to sleep in my 10 year old said i am guttless and weak for putting up with what you did
      he asked if i had any letters and his log book and i said nosent them all back and he said what do i do now
      he asked if i had his razor i said no packed everything like you said but i will have a look
      i said to him i gave him everything even all the problems with his children (yes his guilt and resentment of my children caused the domestic abuse )
      he said he is not staying at this daugthers anymore he is in a hostel and he is on his arse – i said well you walked out
      he said he is waiting on a scan – i said well i dont know you never talk to me
      i think i handled it well but i feel so so bad why did i say things was this his way of wanting me back – i am so confused
      my friend wrote an emailed basically saying there was no need to beep or stop me you where not man enough to apologise you are not the man i meet and will never change there is no need for cotact the next contact will be when i file for divoice
      omg now what will he ever contact me
      my friends are begining to get angry with me and say i need to forcus on my children and he is s**m and dosent care or love me as he would not of just gone – but they dont understand that is him and i am still convinced he loves me as to why stop me
      this is so hard i love him so much and the person i meet is not who he is now but i can not let go .

    • #16796
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Hi, I am so glad that you have friends who do the right things.
      That must be incredibly painful for you.
      Once you are over the worst pain you will be happy that he is out of your life. You will find yourself again and you will be happy again.
      Stay strong and build your new life.
      Keep posting here.
      We are all here for you.

      • #16812
        Peace and pain
        Participant

        well i saw him again today – he looks a mess
        i was side by side in the car i said are you ok and he said yes i said can we talk he said no not odayhe has had some bad news and really stressed
        i was weak and sent this email

        I don’t really know what to say I have tried to beg,plead with you . I can say I miss u, love you miss trying to be a good wife it’s really all not important , I can give you space , I can forgive you I can not forget but all of this is totally pointless , when I married you I didn’t take on your stress problems I became a wife which is to help you and support you . I have not got a clue what is going on and only you do . As a husband I you should be able to tell me anything yeah I may have a different opinion but you have different opinions than me but that is life . I can not be there for you when you don’t let me in . Everyone says it gets easier haha well it does not I saw you today omg I just wanted you to tell me you problems your worries that is what a wife is for , anyway I am at an end of what I can do , I have had so much go on the past few weeks and the one person I wanted to be there was my husband I feel like half of me has gone my mr right like I was your mrs right . I really have no idea what is going on but I can not help you if you don’t let me .
        If you need to talk ( not about us because I am not even ready to go there ) about anything you know where I am and my number is
        Look after your self make sure you eat and sleep and be strong I know deep down you are a mess and that’s not you the jay I meet was my rock my wide boy and that’s who I loved x

        i feel thats my last message i can send but is that a wrong move he so so looked a mess

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