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    • #12021
      betterdays
      Participant

      Have I wasted so much of my life on this waste of space?? He’s had me (detail removed by moderator) surely anybody could of seen past him. How can someone of had me over that long and me not know he’s probably right I am crazy….x

    • #12022
      Herindoors
      Participant

      I hear you betterdays, same time period for me. We are not crazy. We are compassionate people who want to help and believe in the person we love and that makes us vulnerable to abusers. Don’t underestimate how ‘clever’ they are in their abuse. Mine filled my head with so much of him that I had nothing left to step back and realise what was going on. Even when people pointed it out to me…and it was hard for them to even do that because they didn’t have the whole picture.
      I now try only think about moving foward and not wasting any more of my time. I try and think of the good things that came out of it (our child) and what I have learnt from it.
      When I am really angry with him I think about the fact that at least I am free from it now but he will be living the way he lives for the rest of his life and he will never be happy because he doesn’t know how to be. That’s a real life sentance!
      Take care x*x

      • #12023
        betterdays
        Participant

        Hi herindoors suppose your right I keep thinking sometimes though it’s still my fault. And how he will move on and be better with someone else x

    • #12028
      Herindoors
      Participant

      I have been having counselling for a few months now and this is where I am at.

      I am struggling to let go of the thought that if I had behaved differantly that things would have been better. Because I know that if I had behaved exactly the way he wanted me to then things would have been ‘better’. Seems logical to me. So I was wrong, it was my fault, because of my behaviour.
      (Bear with me!)

      In tandum to that I am learning that the way he behaved and acted towards me and how he wanted me to behave was not right or reasonable or normal in a loving relationship. It was abusive.

      At some point (hopefully soon!) these two lines of thought are going to meet up. They will probably dance around each other for a bit longer once they have met. And then the line that knows he was abusive will kick the butt of the line that says it was my fault and it will hobble off down the road, dragging its sorry arse, until it fades into nothing.

      And then I will truly believe the truth. That he was abusive and my behaviour was a normal reaction to that abuse.

      Its a weird place having these two lines in my head but at least now they are both lines, running straight along in parrellel, rather than just being a tangled mess in my head that I cant make sense of. Getting there slowly.
      Take care x*x

      • #12029
        betterdays
        Participant

        Yes I’m doing freedom programme for second time it’s been a God send!! He’s still saying to me he knows he’s been a c..t but I’ve played my part aswell I aurgued and put words into his mouth that made him mad!!! He’s laughing while I’m an emotional wreck still it’s difficult to get ur head around he’s been getting help for months never has never will either mixed messages ranging from nice and nasty head games but I do see a lot now clearer because of freedom programme x

    • #12030
      SilkyHalide
      Participant

      Nooooo better days, I was over 2 decades to and I know I’m not crazy…. I wasn’t able to see what he was doing and when I did I thought it was my fault. Xx not now. Being apart and seeing what he does now he’s lost most of control over me and trying desperately to use anything to control me still.
      Vile.

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