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Something I struggled to get my head around…so police were called due to domestic violence. They contacted social services. (detail removed by Moderator) I couldn’t go to work because of SS involvement(case closed now) He was back at work the next day.
I had everyone interfering for weeks and asking questions, talking to the kids schools, my work knowing. He carried on as normal!
And social services wonder why women don’t report abuse to the police??? We get treated like the perpetrator when we are the victims!!! -
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Yes the system sucks. It really does. My ex lied and lied and lied. The courts fail women absolutely. They fail children. I have been receiving fantastic support from the agencies available and I have been doing everything I can. The children are still on waiting lists for help and support.
The police NFA’d my ex although they are interested that he has lied so much.(detail removed by Moderator) he lied to the police to get me arrested. He has openly lied to me. There is something wrong with his brain.
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I know exactly what you mean. Exactly the same happened to me and he even manipulated the social worker and I was just sat there like an empty shell staring into space while they both agreed I need mental health support to which then I believed I was mentally ill. Domestic abuse needs to be taught from a young age in schools etc this country still sees it as a taboo. I left the relationship this year and recovering from it is so overwhelming. Reading posts like this reminds me of the mental abuse I had and I’m not ALONE.
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I think for years the police simply removed the perpetrators and let them ‘sleep it off’ overnight in a cell. Thankfully they have realised that abusers don’t change. I’d much rather the resources were spent on mother’s and children. Some women, me included don’t even realise they’re being abused. It’s only with police involving outside agencies that I got the help I needed. I agree there needs to be much more training and awareness for these outside agencies. When you think about it, the job of the police is simply to gather evidence. I read that they deal with a domestic abuse call every 9 minutes in this country, yet I bet their budget and training doesn’t reflect this. An abused person can spend a lifetime defending her abuser, hiding the abuse, so the more involvement from properly trained professionals the better. It’s all in the training and the individual you get.
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There are a lot of younger people going into these professions, ones that have no life experience with abuse. You can’t learn what we know from books, you can’t emphasise with victims unless you gain an understanding of why abused women stay with abusive men. Until people understand properly the hold these men have over us, they will continue removing children and treating victims like mental health cases and uncaring mothers who put their partners before the children.
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As I’ve said on here before, I called the police one night after running barefoot from the house and locking myself in the car. I’d called them many times before. He punched a picture and his hand was bleeding, so I got arrested. He told so many lies. After all the abuse, I spat at him when he hit me. I admitted that. I thought telling the truth was the right thing to do. I got a police caution, which may mean I lose my job. He got nothing. I would never trust the police again or call them out.
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Hi all,
If trauma bonding and all the other complexities around DV were made more public we would all be in such a better position. I was going to go to a seminar about DV at my local hospital. When I looked at the topics it was only discussing the basics the very tip of the ice berg. What about teaching about n********m and how these men use children to abuse their wives? And also how the family courts support contact at all costs (in some cases they do listen) but wonen are often completely traumatised by the abuse. It can take years to fight flr custody and the poor kids suffer. I bet if the general public were more aware of what’s going on they’d sit up in disgust.xx We are seen as weakened women and not taken seriously. But that is the fault of the abuser not ours. If support was there at the right time ie point of initially leaving, fighting for custody, getting priority housing/getting to safety. Trauma therapy offered by GP.This
situation wouldn’t be so desperate and far reaching. I also feel that women shouldn’t have to leave their homes their surrounding and given new identities. The perpetrators should pay ie longer sentences, given homes in a different area and not be allowed access to their ex or children. At least not unsupervised. I know we’re not there yet but let’s hope in our life time we will be xx 💕 DIY
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