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    • #8771
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      I have now received and email to say that I am the abuser and if I reply watch what will happen to me.. another threat. I always feel like I have to defend myself which Is why I replied. I never shouted at him, I didn’t even swear or use bad language , I never called him names the only thing I moaned about was him smoking near me and the kids, as he would shut himself in the bedroom smoking his green, for half my life I put up with this. I said you shouldn’t be smoking in the house or in the car and it is awful they have had to bring a law in for you to stop smoking in the car. anyway he said I knew he was a smoker and I shouldn’t of got with him. what sort of attitude is that? his calling me a liar now and saying that I walked into doors and walls and that I hurt myself .. he really does want to send me crazy doesn’t he?? I should be happy I am away from him but I still feel so broken . I am treated so bad because we are not compatiable is what his saying now so why spent half your life with me??

    • #8773
      godschild
      Participant

      I have been told that we are enot compatable a few days ago, and heard it before it seems its just another classic saying of abusers. I am also beingt old that I am the abuser, he has hoodwinked the Police into beliving him and even has has gone to social Services for safeguarding help ! but he then said he didnt need it , such a waste of resources they should be charged when thy waste peoples time like that. I was told by helpine that its very common to try to make you the abuser, some even bash themselves on a door or punch themselves to show the police and say its the Woman. There is no lengths they will not go to to protect themselves.

    • #8777
      Justmum
      Participant

      I just received a message asking if I was going to transfer him money or am I controlling him, how do they dare turn it round on you so openly, just daring you to say something so they can drag you further down? I am speechless at how all abusers behaviors and tac tics are so similar, and in many cases the same

    • #8782
      Confused123
      Participant

      Ignore him hun then and u watch he will stay reply bk again saying how dare u ignore him, they have endless tatics, i used to be say cant ignore that would be rude, had to justified myslef, we dont have to justifiy ourselves to people like that, why? cause nothing goes through there head, they know they r in wrong whether they admit it or not, do u think they r sorry? NO they not, they just want us bk and think how can i weaken her, go no contact u will suprise yourself how much positive impact it will have on u, why do we all encourage each another to go no contact cause we know how much we benefit , they r pathethic hun, all the contact will do is wear u down and get us overthinking again thinking maybe its us, talk to a counsellor instead,

    • #8786
      godschild
      Participant

      They hate being ignored, they love a reaction whatever you do will be wrong , so just do what you want to, mine gets madder if he gets no reaction from me, they love to push buttons, hurt you , drag you down and then they get a reaction and can turn it all around on you. Just ignore him dont bow and scrape to him,Ive had years and years of it but am slowly getting wise to the deliberate things said to wind me up or hurt me, you would think they all attended some school to learn the abusive tactics, Patricia Evans books have lists in them of sayings, put downs, filthy name calling etc an I could not belive how common they all are , I keep reading as much as I can to enlighten myself, if it wasn’t so so damaging to us, its laughable the nonsence w they come out with, People say take no notice, my Mom used to say you know its rubbish but they have you hooked into them and when you are living in it everyday , it does affect you veery badly, but they are the crazy ones, they cant even see reality in themselves, Lundy Bancroft has tried to help thousands of them and you should read how they respond to him when challenged but he breaks down what thy say, as said an excellant book to show how their minds work

    • #8790
      Ayanna
      Participant

      No contact!!!!!!!
      My abuser also portrayed himself as the victim. That’s what they do. Cut him off. Show the threat to the police. Get a non molestation order. Just do not get drawn into this more than necessary anymore. If you are not compatible, why does he not leave you alone and looks for someone compatible? I heard the same rubbish. Make plans for your own life and get him out of your head. Just free yourself emotionally. Tell yourself that enough is enough.
      I did not contact fom the start and every text he sent went to the police.

    • #8806
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      thank you for the replies. he has actually blocked me now . he must be with the new girl in his life, he told me he loved me after he had only met me a few times which I thought was strange then , I didn’t feel love for a few months then when I did finally say them words he said I don’t love you and you need to move out and now I am getting upset because I know he will be telling the new girl he loves her and another time I thought he gave me an sti so I asked him and he said you are lucky I didn’t batter you for asking me that, I had never even heard that word before and was shocked but I still went back.. this was over ten years ago now and I am still thinking of it all today.. its like you cant escape them no matter what . the first time he hit was me when I was pregnant too and i still stayed

    • #8827
      Confused123
      Participant

      Hey hun its good his block u will give u time to get stronger, he will make contact again, mine used to have two month break in between , be on guard

    • #8832
      CutieSunshine
      Participant

      I am on guard his done this many times before , goes off with another woman then comes back to me cos they wont put up with him. I know this time that I cant do it as I have to think of my health and sanity. I had to get signed off work and everything because I felt so depressed and stopped myself eating. I am never going to let anyone treat me bad again !!! even if I spend the rest of my life alone and I know it is my own thought for replying to his emails.. now I see why the no contact is really important.

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