Will I get my teenage kids back

[Daisydoodle]

I hope someone can help or give me some wisdom. I left my family home broken my mental health was in the bin and my kids were finding the whole situation so hard I left. I’ve managed a to get my self stonger and have set up close to my kids but they don’t want anything to do with me and are staying with their Dad, I wait every day to hear something from them and they think it’s all my fault- is this normal ? Will I ever get them back. I left for them as it was so toxic and affecting them so much. I’ve lost everything I have ever loved and can’t imagine my life without them. I don’t know what to do. Any wisdom or support would be appreciated xx

[KIP.]

Hey, do you have a third party that can talk to them on your behalf? A family member perhaps? I know it’s extremely painful and their father will definitely be influencing them. I told my son that I loved him and that I was there if he ever needed me and he hasn’t contactEd me. I think sometimes we have to give them the space to work it out for themselves. To let them know that we are here for them but to also carry on and build a good life for ourselves. Teenage years are difficult for us all, I think my son was angry that he was left to deal with his dad. His dad very quickly began the control of him, manipulating him into giving up the job he had to work go for his dad. Making him reliant financially. Moving our son into his own flat and paying the rent etc. Buying him a car. Child estrangement is more common than you would think. I’m not sure why. Young adults are more self reliant and don’t need parents And the family unit the way I supposed they used to. I’ve been told by WA and therapists that when they’re older they will understand who the abuser was and who was wronged. Just let them know where you are and that the lines of communication are always open.

[Daisydoodle]

Thank you Kip, I feel like a failure but knowing someone else is experiencing the same thing to us really helpful, although I don’t want to think of you experience the same pain. Friends do tell me eventually they will see the truth but waiting is so hard. I don’t regret leaving the freedom of being able to do every day chores without being told what I’m doing wrong is so liberating. Going to the shops and not being questioned where I’ve been and what has taken me so long, how I cook dinner the list is endless. But I ache for them, I do send them text messages telling them that I love them and I’m always here for them – I try not to do it too often as I don’t want to I overwhelm them and they have both said I am the manipulator, which is hard to hear and I get abuse but I know they are being used as pawns, but you forgive you kids anything and id rather have some contact than nothing a all. I think I’m in for the long game. I’m also hoping that when we return to some sort of normality things will look different. I’m also in the middle of a very messy divorce which I’m sure they are being told about as he is being so unreasonable I’ll probably have to go to court, whilst I’m playing fair he’s not but again if i bide my time he will be seen for what he is.

I do have one potential person who could act as a go between I’ll have a think on that. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me x

[Author]

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