This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Landy 1 week, 1 day ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #97379
     Goingthroughit 
    Participant

    Just as the title states really
    He’s left 90% (own home comes and goes as he pleases)
    I keep thinking he’s all I know should I try I know I can’t change him
    Feel like I’m letting daughter down depriving her of a father
    Thinking it’s my fault because I’ve never got over my ex but I read that fantasising about being with someone else is a coping mechanism of emotional abuse? Is it? Can anyone shed light on that I had a chance to get back with my ex but I didn’t I stayed with him and we started a family then things got worse or I just noticed I was under his complete control.
    If I look back to when I was single I was happy I was very confident in my life choices now I’m a shell of a woman who over eats and just gave up on myself I’ve started self care again I’m trying then he says do u want me back do I want me to come home then I feel guilty because I don’t think I do and I just feel like a terrible person but he is subtlety still trying to control me even though we are not together right now.
    Sorry for the rant I’m feeling like the bad guy in all this

  • #97382
     KIP. 
    Participant

    The abuser has programmed you to feel sorry for him. Guilt is a tool that the abuser uses very often. Absolutely zero contact is how you recover, taking back control. Blocking him from everything. Any contact will bring mind games and manipulation and is toxic. Any contact should be done through a third party if you have children. I was with my abuser for decades and thought I’d never be able to recover but I’m several years out and I can’t believe life can be so good. You need to take back control of your life. That girl you were when you were single is still there. Let her out. Let her take control of her life again. Re wire your brain and your thought process. He is nothing without you, you are everything without him x

  • #97385
     Goingthroughit 
    Participant

    Thanks kip
    I am trying ever so hard it’s all that’s on my mind.
    I’ve taken steps to get my life back I will do this.

  • #97400
     Wisewords 
    Participant

    KIP what a fantastic response. Explained some things for me too. Thank you.

  • #97401
     KIP. 
    Participant

    💕

  • #97415
     Landy 
    Participant

    “He is nothing without you, you are everything without him” – KIP, I love that.

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