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    • #12060
      Suntree
      Participant

      A very quick questions for the Mum’s out there.
      Will’s, have you made one?
      What have you put in place to make sure your children are safe and not returned to your abuser if he has parental responsibility?

      Background. In a nut shell, the sperm donor of the children has completely disappeared, finally, as I said he would. However he has parental responsibility and a contact order that we can’t currently change because we can’t find him to serve notice on.

      If something happened to me, he would come out of the wood work because with them would be a pot of money to look after them after my death.
      While I am not planning on leaving this earth anytime soon, I am petrified that should anything happen to me the authorities will decide that they should go and live with him and destroying the children’s lives again.

      What can I do to make sure that they never put with a man who will emotionally abuse them and destroy their lives?

      Thanks in advance

    • #12069
      Serenity
      Participant

      Hi There,

      My solicitor has advised me to make a Will ASAP, but I must admit I haven’t yet, as I’m still not feeling up to doing so- but I need to grit my teeth and do it, as my ex more than anyone would use my death to his advantage.

      I haven’t looked into it all get. But I will have similar concerns.

      Let me know if you find out anything! X*x

    • #12082
      White Rose
      Participant

      You probably need to speak to a solicitor about this. I’m not sure what the position is legally but I managed to appoint guardians for my daughter even though her dad has parental responsibility. There was some fancy legal wording in there to cover it and I suspect anyone would contest it in the future but hopefully by then she’ll be old enough to make her decisions and legal framework is stronger than him!
      It’s not just about the care of children it’s their financial future too.
      My advise is get a will made ASAP. If you happen to lose your life in an accident the stress of leaving your family to sort your estate out, no matter how insignificant you feel that is, will be a huge burden for them if there is no will, and even in closest families this divide loyalties and cause serious upset.
      Citizens advice and internet quite good for fact finding and I know you can do “wills on line” but my advice is where children are involved that using a solicitor is safer option.

    • #12084

      I’d always advise getting help from a solicitor if you can afford to. Straight forward wills can be made by yourself and witnessed but for more complicated wills (like arranging care for children) should be done by a legal professional.

      I keep needing to do my will…I’ve drafted it but it’s not legal. I have no money or assets so my will mostly states that guardianship of my son is to go to my family and that my ex is to be barred from any attempts at contact.

      Let us know how you get on!

    • #12085
      Peaceful Pig
      Participant

      This is on my to do list as well, though I’m not sure where I stand in that I’m unfortunately still married to mine and he has parental responsibility. I wonder whether he would get full custody in my absence or whether a guardian could be appointed for the times they’re not with him. I’m thinking probably not. I wouldn’t wish that battle on anyone. As for the money, he already has pretty much everything I owned anyway! The divorce seems even more important when I think about it like that. I think I’d better take good care not to die anytime soon – now that’s progress!! X*x

    • #12095
      White Rose
      Participant

      You don’t need to wait for divorce to change your will. If you have and independent finances or a pension you can nominate they go to someone else.
      My ex changed his will well before we divorced. His daughter (my step daughter) told me as she was named as executor. She was disgusted by his actions – theres no love lost between her and her dad!

    • #12099
      Ayanna
      Participant

      Once finances are sorted in the family court neither of the partners can inherit anymore from the other one. With children it is more complicated. Depending on their age they can also decide where they want to live.
      When there is no contact to the father he should actually lose custody. This can be done in the family court. As he vanished, the court can make decisions in his absence. A good lawyer should be able to box this through.
      Should he turn up in the worst case scenario, he will be up for a surprise.

    • #12205
      Suntree
      Participant

      Thanks ladies.

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