Will seeking help for mental health go against me?

[Findmyself]

I’m really struggling at the moment things have been very difficult since Xmas when I there was an escalation in behaviours from my ex. He got with someone new and tried to use this to make me jealous. I’ve had photos sent to me of them naked together, physical damage to my property and car. I am constantly getting stopped by people in the street asking me things about lies he’s told about me, he’s been using my children to get to me emotionally and turning them against me and now he’s started reporting me to the police for harassment as I’m apparently phoning the new gf to tell her she’s at risk and making false allegations against him. I was off work for four weeks with stress; the doctor wouldn’t give me anything for anxiety or depression but suggested I may have complex PTSD.
(detail removed by moderator) things came to a head when I saw him for the first time in weeks. We were trying to support our daughter who has been struggling but he started to blame me for everything and put me down verbally. something triggered in me and I can’t really remember what happened but I know I got physical and verbally abusive towards him. This has really scarred me I’ve never hurt anyone physically before and I really can’t remember the incident which is scaring me more. I’m convinced he’s going to go to the police there were no witnesses or injuries but I haven’t slept since it happened. I know I need to get support for my mental health. I’m just scared they will diagnose PTSD and he will use this against me. Im just a bit of a mess last night I was on the phone to Samaritans for hours i just needed to talk. I don’t feel suicidal just anxious and every time I try to sleep I have nightmares about the abuse from him or in my childhood from my dad. I’ve made a gp appointment for tomorrow but am so worried about it.

[KIP.]

PTSD is extremely common in victims of abuse so don’t worry about being diagnosed. If anything it backs up your claims of his abuse and to be honest you need help at this stage with your mental health. Even if it’s just dealing with the symptoms. Any contact at all with our abuser is extremely toxic. As you found out they will drive us to do things that are not in our personality. Absolutely zero contact from now on. That’s the basic need for you to start recovery. Any contact with him will be used against you so don’t give him that ammunition. Tell anyone who talks to you about him that you don’t wish to hear anything about him or what he’s saying. Report any harrassment to the police including the photos he sent you which is harrassment. Check out local charities for counselling and the NHS has a waiting list.

[White Rose]

Hi there, I agree with KIP. What you’re feeling is a direct consequence of his actions so it won’t count against you to seek help. I felt the same as you worried it would count against me but actually it worked the other way to help people realise the enormity of his abuse.
Try to keep no contact but it’s hard if there’s a child. Make sure you see your GP and talk to them and if you’re child is struggling take them for an appointment too.
Have you talked to helpline or local team to see if there is more to can get help with?
Keep reaching out, keep safe xx

[Lisa]

Hi there Findmyself, I wanted to offer a little support, I can see that you have been offered some great support already. As the other’s have already mentioned, unfortunately it is not unusual for domestic abuse to have a negative impact on your mental health. You are doing the right thing by seeing your GP.

Do reach out for as much support as you can, remember that your local domestic abuse service would be able to offer some ongoing practical and emotional support. You could also access some support through Women’s Aid via the Live Chat

Best wishes

Lisa

[hop]

Hey there FindMyself. I’m so sorry that you’re having to go through this. In my own personal experience I found that my ex tried his hardest to use my poor mental health against me. It was dredged up time and again and I kept having to prove myself but eventually seeking help was what made me keep fighting and winning. I’m lucky to have a really good relationship with my dr so the letters I got from her were amazing and thankfully she didn’t mind writing them again and again. At times I felt like I should have never sought any help, ever! But in the end it was the support of my gp and therapist which got me through the bad times.
A letter from a professional goes much further than his mud slinging. It’s scary but I’ve been diagnosed with complex ptsd and it’s not something that they say lightly. Be kind to yourself and get the help you need. It’s wicked scary to even contemplate it but you need to do what’s best for you. Keeping things secret out of fear is how he keeps controlling you. Take care sweetheart xxxxx

[Findmyself]

I saw the GP today who has suggested what I am experiencing is complex PTSD he hasn’t formally diagnosed me at the moment and wants me to see a counsellor before trying medication. He is contacting the DV department in the police to discuss my situation. He has suggested that anything to do with my ex could be a possible trigger so I am not to have anything to do with him, his mother or sister and need to have all communication going through a third party. My ex took my daughter with him to the police station to report me causing her to believe she is in danger being around me so she won’t come home, even though her siblings are here and are fine.

[Author]

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