will this ever end

[Nomorethanks]

Hi,
New to this site and feeling a little overwhelmed.
I left my ex (detail removed by moderator) years ago and have not heard from him in that time.
(detail removed by moderator) weeks ago out of the blue i received a friend request from him on facebook and it has brought all those old feelings back. I cannot cope and just feel as if the last (detail removed by moderator) years have disappeared and I am back to being that nervous scared person.
I have opened up to my current partner about the abuse and other aspects of abuse, mainly sexual abuse which I have not spoken of before. I just do not know where to turn and just want to run away and be by myself. How is it possible he can still have this affect on me?
Any help or advice would be greatly accepted.
I am at my wits end, can’t eat, sleep or stop crying.
Do you think i need professional help in relation to the sexual and physical abuse or should I just attempt to bury this again?
Many thanks

[KIP.]

Hi, these men feel entitled and have convinced themself they’ve done nothing wrong. Good counselling is needed and you might also want to consider contacting the police. There is no time limit for reporting sexual assaults/abuse and you will be taken very seriously. It may also give you some sort of closure holding him responsible for his actions. We bury trauma deep down and things like this contact will bring it all back to the surface. It could be PTSD. The effects of abuse are lifelong and really need good support and counselling to cope. You’ve seen that burying it hasn’t worked. Dealing with the abuse is painful short term but with proper counselling, long term it’s what is needed to truly move on. Get support from rape crisis and women’s aid. Speak to a domestic abuse officer on 101 for advice. These men are often serial abusers and your statement may help other women. Remember you’re not the victim you were when he was in your life. You’re older, stronger and wiser and he’s a pathetic little bully and abuser.

[Lisa]

Hi Nomorethanks

Welcome to the forum, it sounds like you have tried to deal with the trauma of the sexual abuse by burying it and trying to forget, and now the floodgates have opened and i can imagine it is very intense and hard to deal with. You can contact your local rape crisis or sexual abuse service and ask about some counselling or telephone support to help you process the trauma.

Take care and keep posting

Lisa

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, what a cheek. As if your going to forget what he ever put you through and be ‘friends’ with him. Rape crisis deal with the after math of rape and sexual abuse years after it happened. You can contact the police even with historical cases, you can also fill out an online disclosure form(Clare’s Law) with the relevant force in your country of UK. It is a good tool for future victims to use and is a way of getting him onto the police radar, you might find out he’s actually known to them, and your coming forward would/could help with a conviction.
Once the floodgates are opened it’s very difficult to close them again, the memories are a reminder all the time. Some people can close the box again, some need to talk about it to process it. What he did was never your fault. He felt justified and entitles in his behaviour to/of you. The shame and guilt of it, is all his. 😡
Take care of yourself,listen to your body, rest when you need to, scream, cry, laugh hysterically, whatever you need to do to get through this. Small meals are better than nothing. My go to is toast and marmalade. Keep hydrated, plain freezing cold water is really good.
As women we go through terrible ordeals at the hands of men, but we are emotionally strong to cope with it,even though it doesn’t feel like it, it just takes time.
Love and light IWMB 💕💕

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