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    • #162890

      With organising a divorce and getting me and the children out of this house, I have had a lot of wins this week that I want to share.

      (1) Re-organising the joint account.

      My husband and I share a joint account. He has not been at work for more than (detail removed by moderator). He wanted an early retirement but retiring now was not fair nor attainable with my work salary. So he has been sponging off of me for (detail removed by moderator)– every time he goes out, he gets himself a (detail removed by moderator) or something. Meanwhile, I have been paying all of the bills, plus his expenses for freeloading. It is freeloading because when my husband left his last job, I asked him to apply for Universal Credit. He didn’t want to do that due to his pride and also with obligations that would come with visiting Job Centre regularly… it didn’t suit him.

      But now our joint account is re-structured because I went and got my own current account at a different bank where my paycheck is deposited. I encouraged him to get his own bank account too and he actually did it. Then we split out the excess from the joint account. Then I came up with a report that shows the usual household expenses. He actually agreed to all of it after I asked. He has to because I’ve been (over)documenting everything.

      So now he’s having to pay his part into household expenses. I could potentially chase him for past expenses, but it feels like a silent agreement where I’m like, “don’t push me, or else I will” and he’s complying now where he’s already gotten to benefit from sponging off of me.

      We still have to negotiate (detail removed by moderator)– our most ‘volatile’ spend, but really I am so happy with this arrangement because now he is accountable for half of the household expenses, plus his part for expenses for the kids, plus his own expenses. He just can’t go out with his friends and spend money out of the joint account anymore.

      (2) He got a job. He starts (detail removed by moderator). This gives me so much joy and agility because he’s not around to listen in to my conversations with my local domestic abuse services during the day once he starts work. This was a serious blocker to all of that since he made it known that he listens in and has made threats around that.

      It does mean I’m solely responsible for school runs. To me, that’s a fair trade off for freedom from his listening in.

      It also means that he has to go back on his threat of taking the children off of me. For this job, he simply cannot do the school runs and be home when the children return from school. He did somewhat relinquish that fact. So in the past where he’s threatened to take the children off of me, practically he simply can’t do it because he can’t support their needs.

      (3) My GP has written the letter to support my claim for legal aid. I met with my GP recently and my GP is supporting me there based on whatever information they have access to. So that means, the domestic abuse has been recorded by the NHS and is being supported there. They couldn’t print out the letter on the last visit, but I should have that letter in my hands this next up-coming week.

      I am seen. What’s more, with his threat around ‘(detail removed by moderator)’ I will have fewer worries there.


      I’ve still got next steps, but don’t give up and document EVERYTHING.

    • #162902

      Woohoo! That sounds like practical and emotional progress to me. Bet it feels good, well done for pushing with the finances, baby steps xx

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