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After years of abuse and wasting so much time putting his needs before my own I know I need to go. But the problem is I’m trapped and not just by my guilt. I tried to help him with a situation he was in by breaking the law. I will most likely be given a cifas marker for (detail removed by moderator) meaning I won’t be allowed a bank account during that time, no car insurance either so I’ve lost my freedom to drive and can get no credit etc. I have no career or friends/family. All I have is my partner and my daughter. If it wasn’t for my little girl I would be dead now as I have no desire to be alive anymore. I can’t leave her though and I muster up all the strength I have each day to make sure her needs are met. I’m trying I really am but I’m so scared I’m just going to break down one day and I don’t know what to do. I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy or at peace. He pulled me up the stairs (detail removed by moderator) by my hair because I walked off not wanting to listen to his usual patronising lectures. It still hurts now but I have no choice but to accept it. I feel so defeated and I keep telling myself I deserve it and I’m worthless anyway. I don’t know what my question is I don’t know much at the moment. My daughter is still so young and hasn’t witnessed the physical abuse yet but what if she does one day I can’t have her growing up around that. She loves him so much and if I get out of this relationship we’ll have nothing. I’m sorry for such a jumbled post I can’t think clearly right now. Just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks hope you’re all doing okay x*x
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Oh Bumblebee!
You need to get out! Many of us leave with nothing to our name except what we can pack in a bag.
Talk to WA as soon as you can and see if you can go to a refuge. Once there you’ll be safe and they can help you sort out housing, benefits and any legal issues.
Once you’re free, you’ll start to see how worthy you are of so much more!
He’s an absolute pig! And that’s insulting to pigs.Don’t tell him anything!! It’ll make it even more dangerous for you.
Please keep posting and get yourself and your prescious little girl to safety.
Sending you love and strength x*x
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I hear what you say about feeling trapped. There are obviously some concerns you have regarding your situation. Nothing is unfixable and should mean you stay living in this abuse with your child. Speak to WA, reach out and discuss your options. It’s hard to think straight when you’re feeling low and have been subjected to this abuse. There are people who can help you figure out your options. Explore every opportunity. This is hard to do on your own. Reach out, know you and your daughter deserve better. Children don’t always see but they hear and they pick up on things.
Your daughter won’t have nothing. She’ll have a happy and peaceful mummy and home. That is everything.
Don’t give up. You are worth more and so is your daughter. Nothing is unfixable. We adjust, grow and adapt with the right support and in the right environment. -
Reach out to WA and you will get the support you need and someone to listen. Don’t tell him anything at all. Once you leave you’ll have the chance for a new life where you and your child can flourish in a safe, calm environment. You will finally have the peace of mind to be happy once more. Of course it will be difficult and you may only be able to leave with what you can take at the time but at least you’ll be in control of you once more. Take care and look to a brighter future x
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Hello Bumblebee,
I rarely post responses on here although I had lots I useful advise. I don’t always feel I have much to contribute.
I have felt exactly like u and sometimes I still do. But I left, and lost everything. It’s is the best thing I did. My children were witnesses. I wouldn’t want anyone’s kids to go through that. We are hard up and everything is a struggle but the kids don’tbhave to hide while he hits me, they don’t have to walk on egg shells and they are never agin going to be in a position where they put themselves between me an him.
I waited on my ex like a servant,and didn’t have contact with any males outside the family. Getting away was massive and it took alot of help. Dealing with police and people was overwhelming. I left family and friends, but you can find strength. I lived I. A culture where I do t hardly mix outside of my own background and my world had opened up.Imagine living in a world where you can do things fo yourself, you can make choises and u are not afraid. I was beaten, raped, financially and emotionally controlled by him and his family…and now I’m free. I’m not brave or strong. I am a tiny, disorganised and timid person. I did it. You can do it.
My children keep me going too. I have been very close to leaving them. Your daughter needs a mum in one piece. Can you start taking some small steps? Contact WA? It took me a long time and alot of small steps.
Many times people sent me a hug and for once I felt like someone cares. Sending a hug. X
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