With Hindsight it all seems so obvious.

[Zukibear]

In the beginning it didnt bother me that he drank, spirits, he & his (detail removed by Moderator) played (detail removed by Moderator) and we were out 5 nights a week, me being designated driver. In our 20’s, both earning good money we moved from rented to buying a property. I didnt notice that I was losing touch with friends as we were busy with the house. My mum came for a visit one evening and he spilt a drink but screamed at me to clear it up. I should have left him then but we had just bought a house I wasn’t just going to walk away from that. When i would go out for work events he would say “dont wake me up when you come in” not “have a great time”. The drinking stopped for about (detail removed by Moderator) months and we have a child together. (detail removed by Moderator) months after she was born the drinking started again. Sometimes he could be very spiteful. One instance she was (detail removed by Moderator) and he put a knife through it as it was annoying him, and that is the one memory of him she carries into adulthood. He’s had various health issues, which if he wasn’t taken away in an ambulance and kept in hospital, you would think he was attention seeking as he loves to tell anyone who will listen all the problems. Except the fact he is on antidepressants for the last few years and that he drinks with them. So every Friday & Saturday night (detail removed by Moderator) pays a visit and 3 is a crowd. (detail removed by Moderator) years ago he moved into the spare room he did say he was going to leave but a friend of his said not to. So come the weekend he wants a bit of “love & passion” I say no then it starts, the nastiness, verbal abuse, telling me I don’t earn enough how he has to support me and I spend all his money. I twist everything he says and i always start fights. I have spoken with my daughter about the future and I said i was hanging on till she had finished her (detail removed by Moderator) then we could go somewhere.
When we have these weekend arguments he will get right in my face but never physical..until (detail removed by Moderator). He thought my daughter & i were ganging up on him and he tried to physically throw her out of the house I got between them and the pushing & shoving started – there was a lot more – my daughter ended up outside so she dialed 999. He’s in the cells now. I am so proud of her.
I guess I am wondering what happens next? We aren’t married but both names are on the mortgage and all the bills.
I was hoping for a bit more time to get things in place but Im not regretting her decision.

[swanlake]

Your daughter did amazingly, you both did.
Do the police have any thoughts as to what they can do? For example various orders to keep someone away from you both and the house?
Victim Support and the National Domestic Violence Helpline might be able to help too with your immediate safety.
If you’re concerned about the finances and property, one of you might be able to buy the other out. This has the potential for more control and abuse but you can get a court order to sell the property as a last resort.

[Zukibear]

Thank you Swanlake, I am really proud of her she is so much braver then me but she knows i will back her in everything she does.
The Police are coming (detail removed by Moderator) for statements as they though it was (detail removed by Moderator). However I have never felt that i/we are not safe yes he is angry and loud it has never been hands on. I dont think buy-out is an option neither of us could afford it. I’m all for selling and making a fresh start but i have my daughter to consider.
I guess we will see what tomorrow, today, brings
.

[Author]

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