Wobbling

[lostandbroken]

My third party has had a family crisis and can no longer be my third party, and has to isolate for a couple of days and i feel awful putting on the pressure during a bad time for them. I think it is going to give me no other option than to break the no contact for access to his child. I have nobody else really to ask, im anxious at the thought of seeing him and speaking to him. My feelings are still raw, and i know hes playing the cool card with me through said third party, im afraid hes either going to try suck me back in, or grey rock me. Either way its so painful still.

xx

[lostandbroken]

Not a couple of days, a couple of weeks x

[Hazydayz]

Hello lostandbroken. Just a thought …could contact be stopped for a couple of weeks untill 3rd party can resume as go between? Fingers crossed for you💞

[KIP.]

I’d stop contact too until third party is available again. Your recovery matters more. And you need to set boundaries and stick to them. Is there a contact order in place?

[Hazydayz]

Oh sorry, just realised your 3rd party is in a difficult situation, not able to help now. Do you have a very good neighbour who could help maybe with handovers? Maybe, if they understand and you get on well it’s a possibility? Even if for the short term? It may help? Hope so x

[lostandbroken]

My third party explained the situation and informed him I have unblocked him for child only contact. He did message to ask for a couple of specifics for our child’s day with him, and said her hopes me and baby are ok. I have researched the grey rock method, which I responded with using that. And that’s how I plan to continue.

It would make sense for me to use another third party, but I’m putting my child’s interest at best, it’s already weird for her I don’t want to make it anymore weird by passing her from pillow to post.

He’s been cooperative through third party And has been warned that if he starts any games or be insensitive he will he blocked again.
I also plan to have family around me when he drops her off. I hope this will work out this way round xx

[Hazydayz]

Morning. I understand that you don’t want to confuse you daughter further by adding other 3rd party into the situation if this would be available again? She adapted to it before though did she? It was a necessary protection you took for your sake I understand. And yes she will be confused if contact is on then broken off in the event of your having to make that decision, that’s why it might have been worth considering an alternative 3rd party I thought? as well as it benefiting your welfare. Are you still pregnant I’m thinking? Or have you had the baby? As you mention he asked how are you and the baby? This could complicate things further, I’m guessing. Like KIP I’m wondering if there is a contact order in place? That may feel binding to you? If so? Forcing your decisions maybe? Your family sound like the best solution for help? like KIP points out. Also, KIP raises a very valuable concern, if there is no contact order in place currently as a protection for yourself and very importantly, now and in the future for your child’s/ children’s absolute protection, why take risks? Based on him appearing to be decent towards you now, and looking as though he is now showing concern suddenly with his one comment. I will ask you the same…How are you and the baby? Would that show you that you could trust me? 💞

[KIP.]

Do not ever give him a way in or you will regret it. Could the family members communicate for you via text? If the family members are going to be around then they can do hand over at yours and go to the door to collect the child. Please please stick to absolutely zero contact. You’re extremely vulnerable and are already giving him credit for doing what non abusive people do anyway. I can see your mind shifting again and it won’t end well x you mention he responded saying I hope you ad the baby are okay. This is manipulation. He didn’t have a care when he was abusing you both. Don’t forget he has already shown you his true nature, believe him, he hasn’t changed. Do you have a legal contact order in place. Do you know if you don’t and he chooses not to return your child, he’s entitled to do this in law and you would have to go through the court and legal system to get your child back? Never ever underestimate these men. He will be delighted you’ve broken no contact and this will empower him.

[Hazydayz]

We here do care and support as best we can, as above replies show, and just to add… as the answer to my question put… I am known to be absolutely trustworthy to those who know me in person. I don’t know you KIP outside of here but I trust in what good you do and say here for all to see! Your a woman of knowledge and real experience, and I hope lostandbroken sees this too. Good work KIP💞

[KIP.]

Thanks Hazydays. I’d save her the pain of contact if I could. All it does is allow more hurt and pain and confusion. And empowers and abuser. There my be a time way in the distant future. Years into the future when she can handle contact without any affect on her mental health but until then I’ve seen this scenario far too many times and breaking contact this early doesn’t end well. It leaves us anxious about the next contact and triggers us emotionally, holding back our recovery. Sadly I made mistakes too in the early days and sometimes maybe we need to make those mistakes time and time again until it finally sinks it. Lostnbroken will have to follow her own path, all I can do is share my experiences on here and in the real world and never judge x I know how difficult this experience is x

[Hazydayz]

Your welcome KIP & Yes, I totally agree with what you said. I too had to learn the hard way, making mistakes is how we learn I guess. You know, I do also, remember feeling angry, that people back then didn’t understand how it felt for me? I was younger then! Older! But wiser now, hopefully? 😏 Due to lifetime experience, learning and a respect for others,comes understanding, I relate to that💞 So for now, I’ll just wish……. A Good day to you x

[lostandbroken]

Thank you both for your support, I really do appreciate it.

I’m going to give it one go, I’m not having him at the house I’m meeting him in a public place. I have no fear that he would refuse to return my daughter, he wouldn’t be able to live his single life otherwise.

No I don’t have an order in place I’ve been trying to avoid anymore difficulties to my daughter. If today is a flop and I find myself head mushy again I will revaluate the situation and use family for third contact.

I’m hoping I can handle the situation with courage and confidence, if this proves difficult I will stop the contact again.

And hazy days no I haven’t had the baby yet, but not long to go xx

[Hazydayz]

Hi lostandbroken🙂 your very welcome to the support and advice. I really do wish you well, hope you find the strength and courage that you need, to get through all that you have to; and that you can fall back into the arms of your family for help if needed. Good luck with everything! Hope all goes well for you with the baby too👶 keep safe! you and your little ones 💞

[KIP.]

He may well be as nice as pie. That’s only till he’s sucked you back in. Then it all begins again. Courage and confidence won’t prevent the mental anguish and toxins that comes from contact but I do wish you well and hope you gain the strength to cut him out completely x I’ve been where you are. And you’ve given him ‘one go’ hundreds of times already. When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. You really don’t need to put yourself in this position. There are contact centres too for him to see his child. His goal is to get you to break no contact and it’s worked for him. Now he will be taking up your headspace Again. Please take care of yourself and try to understand how extremely vulnerable you are at this time. It should all be about you and your baby. Cocooned from his influence and detrimental effect x stay safe x

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