- This topic has 22 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 5 months ago by
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There is absolutely no need in 2016 for women to be with people who are not enhancing their lives. There is every opportunity for women now to lead strong, positive and independent lives, we don’t need a useless drain of a man because we think we do. We can live alone, re-train, take holidays, have nights out, control our own money, raise children, feel happy, feel confident, be in control, have friends, organize DIY. Women can mould their lives to meet their needs. We can even if we want to control our sex life without becoming emotionally involved. Thirty or forty years ago it were so much different but times have changed now. I am currently approaching a milestone birthday, I am planning a solo holiday of a lifetime for myself.
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You are right. But so many women are brought up to marry and have kids. They are made to feel worthless if they do not find a husband at a certain age. I was brought up like this. I know countless young women who think like this.
It took me a lifetime to realise how wrong my upbringing was.
The services that are there to help are frequently hostile, especially to immigrant women.
Once in an abusive relationship the escape is often very difficult.
With the cuts in services escaping is even more difficult now.
I worked and looked for help.
But the racists fobbed me off and I was almost homeless when I finally fled.
Women are subjected to a lot of discrimination and it is even worse for immigrant women and women who are not white.
We have to stand united against abuse. -
Sisters unite against abuse.
I have never married & up to letting the horror story in…via a good friend…( her trust helped pave his way into my life!!) I never will marry…no thanks.
I believe in love I don’t need a ring ( except a friendship one!) to prove that!
Keeping it simple, no ties no baggage ( other men’s) no sob story’s no lies no rubbish … for me in future..I’m spending some of that time effort love & understanding on myself. For a change!!Hugs C x
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Slightly off topic but my meeting with Cafcass last week had really got my back up. The woman had never heard of gaslighting or Lovebombing. I want to find out what qualifications these people have. I want to find out exactly what’s on the curriculum of these courses and I want to know why a woman who claims that 95% of her day is dealing with abuse cases has never heard these terms.
I want our teens educated in the subtlety of abuse but more, I want our so called professionals educated NOW!!!
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@eyeorenomore – how depressing!! My counsellor had not heard of gaslighting, although she was so lovely and was v experienced in trauma otherwise. I think we have far more understanding and have research dva way more than the people representing us. It’s seriously scary, and they do basic dv training that they have to do, but if they want to do more it’s basically down to them to pick and put forward for it. It’s shocking really, and basically there are higher priorities for local authorities like sexual exploitation. I think cafcass are supposed to have a certain amount of years experience though before they get that job. so rubbish
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@cupofcoffee no it doesn’t! It’s the complete wrong way round, making us feel judged and criticised. I’ve had a ton of help from this forum, and although I had good support from IDVA, it was only when she could do it and she was really overstretched. The other support like counselling I had to wait months and months for. SSD and court were horrific. This is why we have to stick together and help each other like sisters <3
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New reaction this morning: watching Victoria Derbyshire and they are talking about punishing parents for alienating children’s relationship with other parent. I find this really scary, especially as I was told by the judge that I was unreasonable for trying to keep my lo safe.
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‘parental alienation’ is what the abusive ex does to continue to further damage the relationship of the child with the victim parent and it’s also a false defence used to protect the ‘right’ of the abusive ex to inflict abuse with impunity, because it silences the victims from having a real, honest conversation with each other in order to support each other and understand what is happening. To my mind, it’s a false, pseudo theory a bit like the erroneous ‘Meadow’s Law’ and will cause untold damage to the ability of women and children trying to escape abuse because the mother will be afraid to support the child when the child wants to talk about the behaviour of the abusive parent, for fear that these honest and protective conversations will be interpreted as ‘parental alienation’.
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Yeah, flicked it on to watch a man getting all mopey and people texting in about how terrible mums are 😖
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We need to join political movements in order to get heard. In all the meetings where I go I find countless women who had experienced abuse by men in the past. We need to raise awareness about this issue. Abuse only thrives in silence.
The services will be forced to support us if we are united.I encounter a scaring lack of knowledge in many services. This needs to be addressed. We need to step up and create change, because we are the ones who have the first hand experiences, we know where things go wrong. We have to force them to listen to us.
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Ayanna, I seriously cannot agree with you more.
ONE IN FOUR women in the U.K. will be touched by domestic abuse st some time in their lives. How many have heard of Lovebombing? How many have heard of Gaslighting? How many know about coercive control? How many know to trust their gut instinct and run for the hills if it feels wrong?
It scares me that there is not enough education. What can we do??
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