Wondering if he's possessed?

[Freedomfighter]

3am and I’m sitting here thinking about an incident earlier. When he’s angry with me he’ll start shouting at the TV, supposedly telling the actors/actresses to F off. I’ve thought for years it was me he was actually talking to. Convinced of it now. Anyway, lost my temper with him earlier (detail removed by Moderator), chucked (detail removed by Moderator) on his plate, a few fell on the floor. He yelled at me, luckily I didn’t yell back but was so angry I threw (detail removed by Moderator) at the sink, missing him by inches and stormed off. I was still fuming half an hour later when he told me the meal was lovely, so ignored him and kept walking past. He actually apologised for shouting, but I still didn’t trust myself to speak civilly so kept going in silence. Later after getting drunk, he started f’inf at the TV then asked if he could have one of my diazepam tablets so he could sleep. I was wary of just saying no, so asked if he thought that was wise after drinking a few brandies and then half a bottle of red wine. He started getting angry saying all he knew was he needed to sleep and couldn’t. I kept quiet and pretended to be busy. He started tossing and turning on the sofa and started F’ing at the TV again. Then he said it again but in a deeper voice, I can’t really explain it, but he sounded demonic to me. It’s not the first time I’ve felt like this. Sometimes it’s the way he looks or says something in a different voice that just sounds evil somehow. Don’t know if I’m just imagining it, being stressed out about all this plotting and planning behind his back or what. He’s sound asleep in bed now, but I just keep thinking about it, wondering what mood he’ll be in tomorrow. Probably have a bad head.
Oh well, I’ll just keep my head down and try and stay calm, take a chill pill and not let him wind me up. Maybe I’m worried about nothing. I’m surprised he didn’t start yelling tonight or insist I gave him one of my tablets. He did last week. Tried telling him it was illegal and I couldn’t, but he got angry telling me not to be stupid and just give him a f’ing tablet for f’sake , so I gave in to keep the peace. It’s not worth getting hurt or being yelled at for half an hour till I end up in tears. He needed it more than I did last week. I inadvertently foiled his plans. I think he was trying to guilt me into giving him my savings to pay for the new windows he bought, but I explained what he’d told me earlier to my son who agreed with me that his dad didn’t have to pay over everyone for the (detail removed by Moderator) like he told me. My husband wasn’t furious. I don’t know why at first but later figured it out when he was snoring after the diazepam. I’ll have to tell him I’ve taken them all or something if he keeps asking for them. Most of the time when I’m given sleeping tablets or diazepam I only ever take a couple and he’s had the rest. I think it’s his guilty conscience pricking him. If he has a conscience
Going to make a nice mug of hot cocoa see if that helps

[KIP.]

He’s not possessed he is simply an abuser. How dreadful to take your medication from you. It was given to you for a reason. I bet he is the cause of you having to take that kind of medication. I was given diazepam and others. At the time I took it I didn’t realise and nobody told me about domestic abuse. The doctors just kept drugging me which made it easier for him to abuse me. Medication only treats the symptoms. Not the cause. Which is him. I don’t need medication now. Surprise surprise. I really hope you can get free soon. I used to get terrified when my ex drank because the abuse got worse. Not because of the alcohol because he he was an abuser and chose to behave that way. Stay safe.

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Freedomfighter,

I know what you mean about that scary demonic look, my ex got it in his eyes a few times, I actually noticed a sort of evil glint in his eye on the first date but obviously at the time just wrote it off as ‘a cheeky smile’ but I remember saying to him he had a sort of evil smile only realising the significance of this later on.

The night that he threatened me he had this terrifying look in his eyes, it was a sort of evil gleeful look where he was verbally attacking me, accusing me of things and threatening me aggressively. It looked like he was really enjoying hurting me and he was escalating it rather than trying to resolve the problem (which ironically was that he didn’t like me looking into his eyes!!)

He suddenly then switched and acted normal/calm/sweet when I suggested we take some time out. It was really scary to see that look in his eyes and eerie to see him being able to switch back to ‘normal mode.’ In my case I believe my ex was a psychopath and I was seeing the darkness within. Psychopaths or not, I think a lot of these men have a very dark, cold core where they lack empathy so seeing a dark, demonic look in their eye makes a lot of sense, even though other people often don’t understand it as they haven’t seen it themselves.

[duvetday]

Hi Freedomfighter,
I know exactly what you mean too about the voice/look. You won’t be imagining it or worrying about nothing… I watched a good vid on YouTube yesterday where they were taking about how your body “just knows” when something isn’t quite right. And I think when we are in abusive relationships we have these feelings a lot but then straight away dismiss them, for various reasons, but partly cos it’s too painful to listen to that inner voice or gut feeling or whatever you want to call it cos it’s painful to face the truth… When things got to a really bad point with my abusive ex there was this one time I will never forget when in a moment of pure desperation I told my ex “I love you” while being physically intimate and he looked at me in this way which was terrifying. And it was just a look, but it was like maybe for the first time I *really* saw him for who he was? (And actually I probably saw versions of it at other times but always tried to reason it away.) Since then I’ve learnt lots about abusers/n******s and if it’s true that thing about the masks they wear (which I think it is) then maybe when we hear that voice or see a look it’s because they’ve momentarily dropped their masks? I dunno. That’s how I kind of understand it atm.. Anyway, you’re definitely not alone in thinking that your partner is possessed, I can totally relate to that feeling. I didn’t think of it as “possessed” but I knew straight away what you meant.
I’m sorry to hear how your partner is treating you 🙁
I hope the cocoa helped a little 😉

[Freedomfighter]

Thanks Kip,
That’s why I don’t take many of the tablets myself, makes me vulnerable to his abuse. I can’t think straight so when he tells me the abuse didn’t happen I dreamt it became I’m stressed and on meds or been drinking I wasn’t sure. I don’t drink either. The trouble is the stress of work problems ontop of realising it was abuse not just him being a control freak and nasty when he’s drunk, trying to find out as much as I can and making plans to divorce and leave well I had a bit of a meltdown. Just either crying, scaring myself stupid because I’d told him I was leaving if he didn’t stop lying, hiding money, controlling and manipulating me. He just denies everything, tells me it’s all in my head. I only take the diazepam when I really start to panic about having to meet with people or about what he’ll do when I do leave etc. I’m kinda glad he takes them at least I get some peace. Thanks I’m trying my best to stay safe
Hi Sunshine,
Yes I too had seen the look right at the start, but thought it was him attempting to look sexy and not quite pulling it off. Ha! How naive I was. Still, I know it now, doesn’t freak me out now, it’s just a warning to be careful. Like when he asked about my doctor’s appointment wanting to know everything. I told him, when I said about the diazepam he asked ‘would they class it as date tape then?’ And gave me the look. I just smiled half heartedly. I didn’t know if he was testing me. He’s freaked me out in the past when I suspected him of being bad, evil and I would flinch at his touch, so he did it all the more.
The voice was a new thing and freaked me out. I’m used to his angry yelling voice and charming or condescending voice, but this one was deep and more controlled than his angry voice. I kept my head down and thankfully he fell asleep soon after. I don’t underestimate him. I know he can be violent when he wants, but he’s very careful, only used minimal force over the past (detail removed by Moderator) years. But I remember the early years. Only violent at beginning of hols abroad then had rest of the fortnight for bruising to go and convince me it was all just a drunken nightmare. I think the voice is the same, either warning or testing me. I won’t take any chances. I have an emergency plan if I need it. Just good to hear I’m not losing the plot if you’ve experienced it too. They all seem to have similar routines.
Thanks for replying Duvetday. I know what you mean about the mask slipping and glimpsing the real person, but denying it. For years I told myself I was imagining it. He’s always telling me I’m paranoid when I’m stressed, well obviously I’m stressed a lot of the time living with him for over (detail removed by Moderator) decades
At one point I was starting to believe I might be paranoid. My counsellor helped me realise I wasn’t, but then it freaked me out thinking about how I would prove to others that I wasn’t. Hence why I didn’t speak out about the way he treated me. I didn’t realise that coercion and control was abuse or illegal, just thought he was horrible in drink and old fashioned chauvinist, believing housework was for women not him, the head of the household and bread winner! Came as a shock and I felt such a fool having wasted so much time trying to make the marriage work, be a good wife etc. I watched a YouTube video the other night saying how in a healthy relationship there has to be mutual caring, mutual respect and mutual honesty. I think like my relationship where it’s all one way, with him just pretending to care, all abusive relationships are the same. Doomed to failure, just took me far too long to admit it. The hot cocoa was perfect btw. I was asleep in no time 😊

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