10th March 2016 at 11:30 pm #11222SerenityParticipant
I have resisted all temptation and hooks to surrender my ‘no contact’ rule in the last year or so.
Any word from him is traumatising, evil, toxic. It sets me back.
I haven’t any inclination to break this No Contact rule. Do you know why? Not just because he is so evil, I require him to be at a distance; but because no words I could utter to him would ever manage to relay the extent of the damage he’s done. Words are lame.
11th March 2016 at 7:02 am #11234Peaceful PigParticipant
No Serenity, words really aren’t able to explain the damage done. I’m still coming to terms with it all with my new counsellor. I still feel shock to hear her reflect back the truth – how many times do I need to be told how abusive it was before it sinks in? But that’s the damage, the brainwashing. It takes so long to recover.
It wouldn’t matter what you said to him. He would be pleased to feel so powerful. The truth is he’s too pathetic to cope with who he is. As they all are.
We will heal slowly, piece by piece. They won’t. x*x
11th March 2016 at 11:58 am #11249Confused123Participant
I think the true healer is time, your right no words would get through to them anyway, i think in time our brain processes everything that has happened,the brain is such a wonderful thing it only lets us process how much we can handle. They are a wind up as you say, i think slowly we just have to teach ourselves how to ignore them ,i am going through a phase where i actually feel symathy for my abuser after having contact with him, this is just a game they play with us to test our emotions, continue staying away, my counsellor has told me that its not symathy for him i have its sympathy for his situation , again she has made me realize that i can answer that call to remind myself why i am staying away as he will gurantee be vile anyway to me or i can tell myself that by answerring that call will lead to unnecessary upset, he wil take advantage of me and actually he doesnt matter , i dont need to pick the phone up. So the point is in time as we heal even when they gives us a response or stupid reaction to wind us up , we willone day just look at them and think whatever, i really couldnt care less u really r pathethic and we will carry on , whereas they will always be trap in that c**p cycle of theres to get to us but failed that too
11th March 2016 at 7:58 pm #11276AyannaParticipant
Yes, silence is the strongest message.
11th March 2016 at 9:24 pm #11290martian29Participant
I totally agree with you. These men will never give us the closure we so badly long for. They just try to hurt us more and more with one look or one word. They never admit any wrongdoing on their part, apologise and try to make amends. They twist everything to be our fault. When they can’t blame us they blame alcohol, drugs or their childhood.
Good for you, that you have kept the no contact rule. It is really hard, especially when we have children with them. I feel like you, no words I could ever say to him could ever relay the damage he has done to the children and I. It’s like being raped and tortured, mind, body and soul. They are psychopathic, sociopathic, narcissists who suck us dry, take all we have and leave us with nothing. They then move onto the next victim without a care in the world or a conscience for the trail of destruction they leave behind.
Wishing you and your children much peace and healing XX
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