Words coming in my head

[Newgirl]

Is it normal when you are close to leaving that you start practising the words in your head?

[Lisa]

Hi Newgirl,

I think this kind of rehearsing conversations is really normal in any situation that you’re feeling anxious about. There’s a need to try and keep yourself safe by making sure you’re communicating exactly what you want, that it can’t be twisted or attacked, and that you can say it calmly without feeling flustered. What I would add to this is that you don’t owe an explanation if it would endanger you or give them a chance to stop you leaving. There is no set form that it has to take either, if you do choose to explain. You can write a letter, send an email or a text, and you can do these things after you’ve left. A lot of the time there’s a sense of obligation and certain ideas around what the process of ending a relationship and leaving needs to look like. These don’t apply where there’s domestic abuse and doing what’s right for you, what feels safest, that needs to take priority.

Take care and keep posting,
Lisa

[Author]

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