work don't feel I can cope any more

[Falling Skys]

As a lot of you know I am getting out of a long term abusive relationship. I was made redundant and now have another job which is turning out to be stressful and I don’t know how much longer I can cope. there is an abusive culture there.

Last week I had a flashback situation and did something wrong. In my head my boss became my abuser.

I am now having a review meeting on (detail removed by Moderator) at the end of the working day. Which leads me to believe he will get red of me. I do know that the company is in financial difficulties.

Part of me is feels sick that I may loss my job the other is relieve that I won’t have the stress any more.

I just feel that I need time to heal but I would be under more stress without an income.

Also that would mean I would be at home with my abuser more.

And of or should I say when the house sales i wouldn’t be able to get a mortgage.’

My new boss is unaware of my abused part of my life and don’t know if I should say. Also I am panicking as the meeting will be in a room with the door shut and I have real issues with being in a room with door shut with men if I’m stressed.

[Serenity]

Hi Falling Skys,

I would ask for another person to be present at that meeting too, if you are worried that your boss might not be fair or might be intimidating in any way. Is there another supervisor you trust?

If you feel able to tell them of your difficulties at home, you could do so without sharing too many details, which could leave you feeling quite vulnerable.

I am amazed that you have managed to carry on so well with work whilst living with your abuse. Credit to you, you are a strong person.

Normally, employers have to givecyou a written warning before letting you go. But as you say, if they are struggling financially. they might want to let go of people and use the redundancy route.

Whatever happens, you will be able to deal with this. Maybe it’s best that you are out of an abusive work situation. Take a deep breath, whatever happens there will be another solution. x

[White Rose]

Hi FS
Job security is a big worry for everyone isn’t it – nothing is guaranteed any more and even top of the pile employees aren’t immune to cuts.
You’re bound to think the worst about your future in the job if the company have financial problems. But it’s a new job and many new employees have job reviews after a short time in post.
He might want to tell you your job isn’t going on for the long term but he might also just want to hear how it’s going for you and he might even want you to stay on. I hope so.
If he asks how its going push all the positives. Depending on how the chat goes maybe sneak in that you know you might have been a bit distracted at times there’s been a lot of stress recently due to family issues – make it clear you don’t want to elaborate on it though! If it feels its going well I wouldn’t mention this at all.
Don’t get worked up about the closed door. You could ask if it can be left open a bit and make an excuse about claustrophobia but you’d have to accept things may not be confidential if it’s in a busy area.
You’re meeting at the end of the day. Could another work colleague hang on for you if you feel anxious?
If he is planning on discussing letting you go for company financial reasons then make sure you ask him for a reference and even if he knows any similar companies looking for new people!!
Whatever happens you it doesn’t change who you are or make you any less of a person remember you are strong and capable of anything
Good luck x

[Falling Skys]

Thank you both for your words of support and advice.

I think my major issues is that the years of abuse are taking its toil, and my body is closing down.

I know that I am a good person and that I deserve a better life. The only time I am happy at the moment is when Im on my own walking. Being with people just exhausts me.

[Serenity]

I know that feeling, FS. xx

[Confused123]

Hey hun

Hope u feeling bit better today and things are better at work , i would try to avoid disclosing abuse but state u would liek somebody else in room with u

[Falling Skys]

Thanks Con123

I will do, but every time I need to speak to him I feel sick and panic.

I wonder how much worse I can feel?

[Patricia]

I worked for a very supportive company and loved my job, it was my escapism. However I did take the meagre vol redundancy package as I couldn’t juggle all the balls in the air any longer. Finances are tough now but I get to be a mum and I have a long legal battle in front of me and no idea how it will turn out. You know what though…. the girl I was with the good job who hid years of her husbands abuse is gone now. There’s a stronger woman in her place, a better mother. I got him out of our home regardless of the huge financial consequences and of that I am proud. Whatever your boss has to say in your meeting can’t hurt you anymore than you are already hurting. If you manage to hold on to your job .. great. If you don’t it’s not the end for you… it’s a new beginning. I know what you are feeling and I’ve been there recently.. I’m still standing.. just about! I manage the school run, I cook dinner and I shower daily… a job in itself. You will be ok I promise x

[Falling Skys]

Thanks Patricia, my review went well and the incident wasn’t mentioned, I was in a place that though I didn’t want to loss my job but was happy to go. I can see how much my abuser has tainted my life.

[Author]

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