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I’m free now, but I keep wondering what it would have been like if we’d been together over the last few months. I’ve been working from home since March and I know 100% I couldn’t have done that if he’d been here. He would have thought nothing of screaming at me and effing and jeffing while I was in Zoom meetings, etc. That’s if he didn’t just pull the plug out of my laptop or cut the plug off while I was using it. He had a thing about cutting the plug off things while I was using them. Or turning the power off at the mains.
How are you guys who are wfh coping?
I don’t know why I’m feeling so anxious about this because I’ve been free a while and don’t have to live with his abuse any longer.
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Hi there, lots of us with pre existing mental health injuries are struggling with lockdown. Like you say it brings back memories or feeling helpless and also makes us think of what it would have been like still with our abusers during lockdown. You can see exactly how it would have been by the huge increase in domestic abuse reports and even deaths. You can bet he would have played on your anxiety and completely ignored the rules because we know abusers are above the law they think. It must be a nightmare working from home too as they will sabotage anything that give us pleasure or independence. I feel so lucky but my anxiety became much worse. Knowing that he would know where I’d be 24/7 during lockdown restrictions. But I’m not the same victim I once was and he’s left me well alone. Hopefully he learned that I won’t tolerate his behaviour and he’s be talking to the police once again x
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Hi, I’m in that situation and it’s been the hardest year of my life. I have a chronic health condition that affects my ability to fight viral infections and have been classed as an extremely clinically vulnerable individual concerning COVID-19.
He has broken my work equipment by ripping out cables when he decides it is time for us to ‘have a talk’. I currently work in a bedroom sitting on the floor using a laptop – my health condition affects my legs and back and so this has been extremely hard to cope with both physically and mentally.
He has now started working as a (detail removed by Moderator) and is ‘over’ COVID-19. He has coughed in my face as I dial into a zoom call for work – he threatens to call my employer and tells them lies about me unless I agree to ‘have a talk’. I need to have surgery but am holding off as I am scared to be unable to walk and alone in the house with him. I don’t love my current job but am thankful I still have one this year and I love the people I work with and respect them immensely. Its hard to be wfh but I’m dreading the Christmas break – he wouldn’t expose his behaviour whilst I was on a video call for work so that gives me some kind of breathing space. Two full weeks with just him and the house gives me anxiety just to think about it. -
Hi lostforever,
I have this thought a lot too. I 100% wouldn’t have made it through these lockdowns and working from home if he was still here. I honestly probably would have lost my job because he wouldn’t have liked the fact it took up my day when he wanted me to be with him. I’m in the same boat as you, I think about it often. I still feel anxious. The worst part of wfh is that I know that he knows I am home all time time, he knows when my work starts and ends and what time my lunch is. In a normal year I would have much less routine and I feel like he would find it harder totrack me. Its been really difficult but I just have to tell myself if could have been so much worse if I hadn’t have got out.
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Hey Soloclimb. Do you have anyone you can talk to about all this? Are you talking to Womens Aid about an escape plan?
It must be so hard for you. My ex always threatened to have me sacked. I’ve had to ask work to block his number so he can’t call the office, but he’s been leaving messages (detail removed by moderator). I’m lucky that my employer has been absolutely great, but it’s been really stressful.
Have you spoken to anyone at work about this?
The forum will still be open over Christmas, so post here if you need to x
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Sunshine227 – same. My ex is threatening to turn up here tomorrow. He knows I’m here alone and I live very rurally so there’s not really anyone else around.
The period since leaving has been so hard, but I don’t regret it at all.
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I’ve been stressed to the max all day, but he hasn’t turned up. 99% of his threats never get carried through. It’s the 1% I have to worry about 🙁
His benefits were paid last week and I expect he spent it all on alcohol on day one, so I’m probably ok for a few days.
It just feels like he’ll never let me go.
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Hi Lostforever,
Have you looked into seeking any injunctions to stop him from turning up and to stop him from contacting you? It might just be worth you speaking to DV Assist about this- they’re a specialist injunctions service. They’re available 0800 195 8699.
Are you in touch with your local domestic abuse service? They may be able to offer you some support with making your home safe and secure- extra locks on the windows/ doors for example. It might just help to make you feel a bit safer.
Take care,
Lisa
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Yes, Lisa. Twice. Got told both times i wouldn’t get one. Police aren’t interested either. I’m just having to sit here waiting for him to assault me again.
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National centre for domestic violence helped me get my orders. They took a long statement from me over the phone, formulated statement for me to forward to court and were great with advice. No cost although I did pay privately to have it served once granted as court bailiffs meant was a bit of a wait
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That’s who I spoke to. Both times they told me there were no grounds as he hasn’t made any direct threats against me. So he’s still turning up here, leaving messages on my answerphone, writing to me. He has a conviction for assaulting me and he’s not coming here to enquire about my health. He’s a very aggressive alcoholic, so it’s only a matter of time before I get hurt again and it feels like there’s nothing I can do to prevent it.
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