Worn out

[Anonymous]

Its been a life time since I left my physical and abusive relationship. Hes been to prison and I have custody of the kids. And havent seen him since I left. However, every night he still haunts my dreams. He touches base with some of my friend’s and i repeatedly tell them to not tell me what hes up to. Ive been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and my life is suffering from it. Im lagging behind at work. I do not want to get out of bed (although i do for the sake of the kids). Im irritable angry and f****d off all the time that he is a free man whilst I am still a prisoner. I still do not go out alone, and i haven’t gone out at night since leaving. I do not srive and my family support as much as possible. Ive lost friends and family since leaving as some of them did not understand the seriousness of mine and my childrens safety! I hate everyone and myself I wish I didnt but i find it so hard to be positive. I havent had a relationship with a man since leaving and my friends are always telling me to get out there, but the thought of even texting someone makes me anxious. I know I am ranting but it was either rant on the board or drink myself silly (the children are with my parent’s for the night). I always hear it will get easier! When will it get easier? Top it off its the Christmas period where i am so lonely my friends invite me out but i fear I will be seen. Ive literally turnt into a hermit over the years.

[freedomtochoose]

I get this. It is so easy to say but much harder to do. Be very very kind to yourself. No wonder you are worn out. This stuff is exhausting. thinking of you
all best
ftc
x

[Iwantmeback]

Hi Movingonandon, it’s utterly exhausting being with an abuser, then once you leave, from what I’m gathering many ladies are still too afraid of him to live their lives, To enjoy their freedom they fought so hard for.😥😠 fir another person to have that sort of control over another is awful.
It sounds as if you need to be kinder to yourself, you heal at your own pace💔, everyone grieves a loved one when they die, no one says you get x amount of time then you’re over it. The same applies to grieving the loss of your relationship, the loss of the lovely, kind, generous man you fell in love with, the future you planned together. As I’ve been told before by more than one lady on here, love your self, self care, self care, self care. Once you learn to love you, you’ll no longer hear his voice in your head so much. Don’t let anyone rush you into getting bbc eirh anither man, that will happen naturally, if you want it to. As far as Im concerned I never want to be with a man EVER, EVER again. It’s not that I hate men, but the trust is gone. I can put up with them in mixed company, but a relationship beyond friends, no thank you😌

IWMB 💕💕

[Anonymous]

Thank you both for your replies. That is my problem I always get advised to focus on self care but I do not know how. I have no hobbies, I only leave the house to go to work granted that is 5 days a week. I greived the relationship a long time before it ended as he got so violent and repulsive I hated him but was trapped. He would lock me in the house when he went out so I had no way to escape (detail removed by Moderator). His family would even come and “babysit” me whilst he was at work they are just as p*******c as he is. I was trapped 24/7. When i left he stalked me at my parents, he stalked my family and assaulted my friends. I am still trapped mentally. I saw a old friend a few weeks ago and fhey said they couldnt believe someone could of broken me down I was so strong. People just dont get it abuse starts off subtle. Im tiered and still stuck mentally in this cycle of abuse he maybe gone but the damage has been done and I feel as if i can never recover. I will never get in a relationship again my ex nearly killed me so I am not risking it again.

[Iwantmeback]

Hi there, self care isn’t just about hobbies my friend. It’s getting up, showering, brushing your teeth, putting on body lotion, getting dressed, and not just pulling on joggers and sweatshirts. It’s making a proper breakfast, I’ve lived on toast and marmalade for months now, had a proper breakfast 3x😌. It’s about being able to clean and tidy your house.
They’ve taken our self esteem, our energy, our self belief that we are human beings deserving of love and kindness. One day at a time. The more we are kinder to ourselves, the stronger we become. It really all seems unsurmountable,but we will get there. I really hope you find your own way out of this nightmare, as I too will. Blessings to you,Movingonandon 💜

IWMB 💕💕

[Anonymous]

Thankyou IWMB for your self care suggestions. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in ages and i only shower if im going out these small things i will try and attempt today. A small step to movingonandon x

[Iwantmeback]

💞💞 I dont have the energy to have a hobby. I loved going to Pilates, but I honestly can’t be among people I dont really know, I can barely stay with family any length of time never mind a room full of strangers. I nearly started back at my slimming class last week, but didn’t. Couldn’t face them. Not because of the weight I’ve put on, it’s only a dress size tbh, but my muscle tone has gone because I’ve not been at Pilates for so long. I’m lucky if I have 2-3 dinners a week, I actuallt made a stew (detail removed by moderator) and had some for lunch one day. Couldn’t have done that a few months back. Yet they can eat, sleep, shower, get dressed, US, we can’t function at all. I feel my soul has been sucked out, so yes the little things do count, that’s self care. Don’t let the bas…d win🤗💞

IWMB 💕💕

[KIP.]

Hi movingonandon, you don’t say if you’ve received specialist counselling. I think you would really benefit from this. Unresolved trauma stays with us until we deal with it. I found trauma counselling really helped. Perhaps start with your GP. There is so much more awareness now. If your friends won’t stop telling you about him then perhaps it’s time to distance yourself. I’ve had to do that with both family and friends. Any contact, even third party is toxic to us. Reach out for help when you can.

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