18th November 2020 at 2:13 pm #116493ExpatgirlParticipant
It’s been a long time since I posted in this forum. It has been (detail removed by moderator) since I left my Abuser and although I struggled with PTSD at first and felt like I was having a breakdown at the beginning of the year, I’m feeling so much better. Sometimes I have nightmares or things trigger me, but many days go by without thinking about him and I could not care less about what he does. Just thought I’d say that in case you are in a position now where you don’t feel it will get better.
One thing I hate about my situation is that all of this happened in (detail removed by moderator). My ex-partner is not British and the action is going ahead in a foreign country.
I fled this country (detail removed by moderator) to get away and return to England. However, I’ve now returned to that place. (Sorry trying to type in a way that doesn’t reveal personal info) The country is somewhat known for being patriarchal and not having the best legal system so that does not fill me with confidence.
I reported my abuser (detail removed by moderator) and it is only now that I have been called into the police to give a statement – (detail removed by moderator) after the fact. I had my appointment (detail removed by moderator) and I am not fluent in the local language so it was pretty stressful trying to give my statement to the police via a Translator.
The relationship was mostly psychologically abusive but later became physical. The local police just looked at me blankly when I spoke about emotional abuse and seemed only interested in physical abuse.
(Detail removed by moderator)
I also have screenshots of blackmail and threats. From what I understand, a SECOND woman has since filed a complaint about him (detail removed by moderator).
(Detail removed by moderator) but I suppose Abusers are going to clutch at straws.
When we were together, he triangulated me with another woman. I always suspected something and after I posted (detail removed by moderator) photos of us together on social media, he went mental, asked me to remove them, said (detail removed by moderator) over the images, and threatened to delete all my social media himself. I mean? Who talks like that?
(Detail removed by moderator)
I got really angry when I left him and went through a phase of being furious a man had done that to me. I sent long rambled emails with no reply demanding he apologised, and calling him a woman b****r and saying (detail removed by moderator) He had no remorse.
In some of them I got so worked up I got angry (detail removed by moderator).
I know I look unhinged. I was really struggling at this point.
He is saying that these were emotionally distressing for him and I am the abuser. He is also telling them I “must have mental issues”
I am really worried (detail removed by moderator). But they surely don’t take away from the fact that he had physically assaulted me (detail removed by moderator), blackmailed me, and threatened me with revenge porn?
Talking it all over again has made me feel a bit sick, especially having to describe things in detail.
I have a Lawyer here but she is in the capital of the country and due to covid I am marrooned (detail removed by moderator). She was not able to come to the police appointment with me. I feel anxious that I had to sign my statement all in a foreign language I could not read, but the translator was British and extremely helpful and fluent in both languages so I hope I am just worrying unnecessarily.
Any thought on this would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you xo
18th November 2020 at 2:54 pm #116494KIP.Participant
I can tell you that all the way through the court case against my ex I always felt like I was the one on trial. The court case is against him. He is the accused. You are the victim and the witness. I’m wondering why you have a solicitor. It that the rules of the country because I had no access to a solicitor. It’s great if you do have a solicitor as a witness and victims so I’d definitely lean on her for advice. Get a copy of your statement to her and get some reassurance there. Your ex is an idiot. He’s doing what they all do. Distract away from his behaviour by making delusional accusations and trying to discredit you. Stick to the facts and that is he’s an abuser, you have shown them very good evidence. You’re not alone in accusing him which corroborates your experience. Those photos he’s complaining about were of you and your boyfriend. He’s complaining because he was cheating on you and caught out. I can you imagine every single girlfriend in the world would need to ask permission to post a picture of her and her boyfriend or husband. 🙄. I had the same kind of delusional accusations and I know it’s frightening because it triggers us but he sounds like an idiot digging himself into a much deeper hole. Which is what my ex did. Don’t judge his actions by what you would do. They will lie till they die and never ever admit guilt, even if it helps their case. In fact he was probably told to make no comment but they can’t help themselves. You are not on trial here. He is x
23rd November 2020 at 8:26 pm #116724CamelParticipant
The legislation and culture of the other country will have a huge bearing on how things go. The UK is fairly progressive but even here the police are often incompetent at dealing with coercion.
Is it absolutely necessary to prosecute? Especially if you’re in a country where it’s going to be an uphill struggle with a marginal chance of success? Is your motivation primarily to punish him? To prove to everyone that you were wronged? You will be tied to him for as long as you pursue this.
Definitely get copies of statements and other documents. Preferably at the time. Maybe you could take photos on your phone?
Best of luck.
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