Worried I am making a mistake

[Aida]

Here I am, having doubts about following through and leaving. The house is ready to be sold and I may have somewhere lined up for myself and the children, I have the support of family and friends and I am sat here questioning if I am going to regret the move, realise I still love him when this wound has healed, cope with being a single mother and if I will ever find companionship with a man I can trust to love me and not hurt me. I’m so scared, scared of staying then realising in 10 years time this is my chance of happiness or taking the leap and mapping a lonely road ahead. The turmoil is killing me, I’ve lost so much weight since this flared up last summer that I just don’t know what is right for me anymore.

Thank you for reading me post, I’m not having a strong day x

[Freedom22]

Hi Aida, I was in a similar position to you a little while ago. I too felt guilty about leaving aand was having second thoughts about leaving.
My health was really affected due to the stress that this type of decision brings. I was worried about how I would cope on my own financially aswell as cope as a single mom.
However I decided to leave purely for the sake of my children and the supportive women on this forum reminded me of the effects witnessing abuse has on
Children. On the day I left I decided to think with my head and not heart which helped me leave.
Leaving was the best decision I made, within a week my children seemed so much happier, the refuge helped me claim my benefits and my anxiety levels dropped considerably.
The longer I was away from him I started to realise my worth again. I have good and bad hours but the good from leaving outweighs the bad.
Contact womens Aid you deserve to be happy and live abuse free, you will see your children thrive and you will know you made the best decision.
You are lucky to have supportive family and friends, I found my family and friends a huge strength when leaving and that support made life easier.
Keep posting on here as this forum saved my life xx

[Escapee]

Hi there,

I first left about 18 years ago but I went back……I should have stayed strong. My children have definitely suffered because I wasn’t strong enough. He also used violence after I went back, though thankfully he realised he had gone too far and this stopped but the rest didn’t.

I left a while back now and I too have lost so much weight over the past few years and my health is terrible. But since leaving I have reduced my anxiety levels and I am much happier.

It is very scary but it is the absolute best thing you could do for you and your babies xx

[Daisydo]

Hi Aida. My OH has said he has found somewhere else to live & will leave in a few weeks. He has put me on such a guilt trip, as I have said before. He believes that I started rejecting him before he turned abusive and blames me for his behaviour, when it was obviously has abuse that started me distancing myself from him and losing respect for him. I am always thinking what if I am making a mistake, how will I cope, what if I regret it and want about the children? He is putting the whole separation on me and he has gone on anti-depressants and says how he is going to miss our family and his home he has helped make. But then, I find an old phone of his that still has his messenger on it from his fb account and find he is chatting to a girl at his work, arranging to meet up with her and saying about going out as a group at the end of the month to celebrate our separation!!! I’m so hurt (again) and it just has to confirm that leaving them is absolutely the right thing!
DD xx

[Aida]

Thanks for your replies. Today I am not regretting it one bit!! He is manipulating the children terrible. I can’t even be in the same room as him – not regrets!!! Xx

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