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Hi I am sitting here reflecting on my life and it makes me sick…
I have been with my partner since i was (detail removed by moderator) and from the beginning I was accused of all sorts. I was isolated not allowed to even answer the door or go near any windows. I changed and deformed myself and my personality completely in order to make him happy and satisfied.I transformed myself to the biggest hypocrite that i ever new. I was allowed out only with him and he would become very violent with the smallest thing. By the time I got pregnant and had my son I was physically emotionally and verbally abused every day.I was so in love with and as usually happens I was doubting and blaming myself over everything. Few years later I had my daughter and thing changed, he swore that he would never lay a finger on me again and was being kind, even his family noticed the change. It lasted a couple of years, then he slowly and gradually went to his back self, and I to my HYPOCRITE self. He is a bit more sophisticated now says that he will not be a full and leave any bruises so he uses slaps, kicks, spits and sex to make me feel, ugly, unwanted, prone to be abused by anyone because I dont have personality (His exact words). At the moment I am not allowed to go to my corner shop, local supermarket or anywhere without special permition. Not allowed to go out or speak to my family and a few friends that i havent seen in years. My son is running the errands outside, until one day he said to me mum i’m fed up doing everything. None of my children were ware of my situation, in front of them he was the perfect father ( at least thats what i thought). One day my son came early from school and heard us arguing, heard him laughing as i was crying and runs inside and takes me away. After a few days he told me that he new how thing were between us and has been known for a while. I felt sad and relieved at the same time. Until then it had never crossed my mind to leave him, then my son said, mum you have to leave him I’ll come with you and support you. It hit me and i said to him that i will think about it. It has been two years since then and i finally took the courage to google about it. I have phoned the helpline and got some advice, I am in the process of preparing the emergency bag and deciding on the date of leaving. In the meantime i’m playing it nice with him but I am really scared, and paranoid and worried as my son is over (detail removed by moderator) and not allowed in refuges. -
What an incredibly brave thing you have done. Your son is amazing too. 💞 you only became that other person in order to protect yourself. You don’t like her and will eventually be able to discard her when you are free of him.
It is such a shame that you’ve been dealing with this all alone but you have found us now. We are you and you are us.
Isn’t it funny how it takes so long for it to hit us that we can leave. It too never crossed my mind until recently and ive been decades with my OH. I know i didn’t like my situation, hated it in fact but never ever thought about leaving?? Keep safe while planning your escape, it’s literally like escaping from a high security prison.
Once you have your own place after refuge, your son and daughter can live with you. If your OH becomes more violent or focuses on the children(i use this word cos i dont know their ages and they’re always going to be our children no matter their ages) the police can/will become involved But just deal with whatever you can face one baby step at a time.
Try not to overthink, we are very good at over analysing a situation and it usually isnt as bad as we think it will be.constantly expecting the worse isn’t good for your wellbeing. But how can we avoid it when we’ve lived with the worst for what is like forever.
Be safe Mira and big hugs to your son and daughter. We are here anytime. There’s always someone with some advice and its a safe place to rant if that’s what you need to do too.
IWMB 💕💕 -
Thank you so much Iwantmeback, for years i felt so powerless and thought this is my destiny and i should stick with it but as the children are growing up they are starting to hate their dad and today i got a reaction from the youngest saying I hate the way dad treats you… i was speachless because all this time i was thinking how am i gonna explain things to her.
Thanks agan dear friend and Godbless-
From years of suffering at their hands we go over so many conversations in our heads. They are always worse case scenario. You’ve obviously been a great role model to both your children because they seem so kind and thoughtful. they also have understood more than you’ve thought. We always think they dont take in what we’re trying to hide from them, but they do.
This is a safe place for us, we give and share advice, sometimes we sound tough but we’re not. It’s just we see how to help others just not ourselves. This forum gives us the courage to believe in ourselves again, it gives us the strength to leave but also to stay. No one judges us or accuses us. We are you, you are us.
Take strength from us, and know you will be safe and free when its right for you. With WA you can become in control of your life again. Anything is possible. Im not overly religious, more a spiritual person. Earth mother,using the earths bounty to heal and sustain. I believe we are here for reasons greater than us. But God does look after us and he hears us.
Blessings to you Mira and your children.
IWMB 💕💕
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