Worrying and unnerving day.

[Eve1]

Had a bad day yesterday. I posted on here but then my battery ran out just as I submitted it.

Things are getting no better for my daughter yet. Yesterday was really worrying. I spike to Camhs, who are still helping her, but she is struggling to get into school regularly. We’re trying something new today, hope that helps her.

Also I had a call from an unknown number and witan I answered no one spoke for a few seconds and then they rang off. Second one I’ve had like that in a few days. I immediately thoughtit could be the man I had a relationship wish who I’ve been no contact with for a good few months now and that knocked me off balance for the rest of the day. I couldn’t stop wondering. So hard not to contact him again, when I’m at a low point.

I’m back to looking for a job again. I think it could really help me, apart from just financially.

I’ve found a WA, not my most local one, but one that seems to have activities going one. I haven’t contacted them yet but I might try. My cruse counselling finishes soon, it has been very helpful.

I felt so frustrated yesterday. I know that my daughter’s problems are connected to having lived for the first part of her life with my abusive ex husband and sometimes I want to just outright tell her that, but she wouldn’the accepted that at the moment. And I got into this last abusive relationship because of how vulnerable I was, down to him too.

Tough time again. Can’t help looking back and seeing how I could have dob things differently.

xx

[White Rose]

Hindsight is great but no real help unless you are a time traveller! You made changes when time was right for you and that’s all that matters.
Just keep supporting your daughter and remember she’s her whole life ahead of her and things like study/exams etc can be spread out we don’t all have to confirm to the norm.
I’m sure you have done this already but make sure SENCO and school nurse are aware of what’s going on and if she’s near national exam tines the exam leads too.
Take care. Good luck with job hunting
Remember mum’s are amazing -she’ll never forget your support through all this but its hard being so supportive and positive all the time for them. I know! x

[Eve1]

Thanks White Rose, she made it in today, yay!

Your reply is really helpful.

xx

[Serenity]

I’m glad she went in today, Eve.

It’s hard to keep going, but bit by bit, you and your daughter will get there.

My eldest didn’t do as well as expected in his previous exams, and I think is it’s because he was in a bad place, but he’s coming up better now in his present courses. I’m striving to give them a real sense of physical stability and comfort in the home, even on days I feel a shambles emotionally: clean home, fresh washing, healthy food, comforting little routines…I keep on thinking of the theory of Maslow, who emphasised the importance of physical safety and comfort to allow human beings to progress to higher levels of self and achievement.

Keep on going, and she will emulate your strength and stamina eventually…but don’t forget to take exceptional care of yourself, to counteract the negative feelings that keep popping up!

Don’t blame yourself for the past. We weren’t to know how things would turn out. We had faith in our partners, brcsuse they made out that we had reason to trust them. Unless you are a mind reader, you can’t tell what’s going on in a perp’s head. You only get to know the true them through their behaviour, over time. You couldn’t have known. Plus, you stayed because the family unit is meant to give a sense of security to children: I think we were all hoping for our abusers to realise the errors of their ways.

I would say that you need to apply for a job which is not too difficult or pressurising. It’s good to be challenged in little ways, but you don’t want a job that’s too full/on if you are still struggling and have worries at home. Maybe think about a job that you would find somehow therapeutic?

For example, someone suffering from anxiety might find working around flowers and plants therapeutic.

I remember years ago, working (detail removed by moderator) and a colleague told me that, even though she was working in an untrained role, she was actually trained. She just chose to work in a less responsible role because she’d suffered a trauma ( death of a child) and was still suffering with her emotional and mental health. Rather than not work or become isolated, or rather than lush herself too hard and end up having another breakdown, she opted for a role and hours which she was able to cope with.

I think we need to step out there, but with baby steps. We don’t need to rush it.

Regarding the phonecall- I don’t know if it’s possible to change your number so this person can’t contact you? Or if that’s too disruptive, somehow block his number, or be ready to just hang up if it’s ever him. You would have grabbed your power back by doing that! x

[Eve1]

Thank you Serenity. There’s much to help me in your lovely reply. I’m wondering if I could do 2 small jobs? I’m going to look into that.

xx

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