worrying diagnosis??

[Jupiter]

Many survivors live with traumatic symptoms and we do our best to build up our confidence despite our lives.
Recently someone came with me to a benefit assessment who wanted to support me.I was shocked when he described me as’ a vulnerable adult’ to the assessor!! I have never had that label in my life and now i am losing more confidence due to the shameful tag.This has really shaken me as a huge trigger from past insults and put downs.I worked as a professional woman and now wonder if that is how the world sees me i e vulnerable adult.To me ,there is a difference between vulnerable and the other label. I live an independent life managing all my affairs, so this has shocked me to the core when I am trying to make a new life.The meeting did not continue as the interviewer said my companion was aggressive.Now I have a new date and the same person will be with me again.
Jupiter

[SunshineRainflower]

Hi Jupiter,

I know exactly what you mean as when I told my (mostly good) doctor what had happened with my ex she said ‘he has preyed on a vulnerable person.’ A few other people later called me vulnerable and I suddenly felt horrified that everyone saw me as a ‘vulnerable adult’ when I too am a highly educated professional. It was like they were saying I was on the scrap heap of life and had to be looked after, couldn’t cope on my own and was basically a massive failure! I spoke to my friend who is a social worker about it and she said I might be vulnerable at certain times like everyone is, but not a ‘vulnerable adult’ and there is a difference. Vulnerability is not necessarily a bad thing either, ie. we have to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there to find love, anyone on a dating site is technically ‘vulnerable’ to idiots and abusers, all humans have vulnerabilities whether it’s arriving in a new city, being single, being lonely etc. It just makes us human, but it is good to know what our own vulnerabilities are so we can check others are not using them to exploit us.

I have this trigger a lot, it happened to me again recently when I did an activity with a support group. The other women there for some reason all had learning difficulties and I felt incredibly strange to be in the group, like it was totally the wrong thing for me, and it made me question myself and how other people see me. I used to be the person helping with groups like this, it felt wrong and weird being on ‘the other side’ although I know that makes me sound horribly judgemental. But I think patronising support is worse that no support at all, we went through a hard time, it doesn’t suddenly make us incapable.

It sounds like your companion is not helpful, I would arrange it so that they do not accompany you next time, especially if they got aggressive and they had to postpone the meeting.

[Jupiter]

Hi Sunshinerainflower

Thank you for your good advice which has helped me a lot. i thought I was losing my mind especially ,as you say,when you are used to helping others.I am educated to uni level but we are still capable of being hurt like anyone. The label is just one more negative out of many over a lifetime and I think it has pushed a lot of buttons,sending me into a panic.I would liken it almost to character assassination.
My problem is that this man is the director of a mainly male organisation with people who have ptsd and this is the
connection. He has the same condition and is a trauma counsellor.He is driving a long way to be at a home assessment and I do not want a repeat conversation.He even told the assessor that he is the responsible adult for me!! News to me. I can relate exactly about uncomfortable feelings being placed in the wrong role as a participant like your activity.This happens to me too and it feels as if you have been thrown into the wrong life script–a horrible feeling of alienation and role reversal.I even googled vulnerable adult and it stated that the person is a child in an
adult’s body etc unable to manage own life.We do not fit that definition at all.Certainly we are vulnerable in a
normal way after trauma–this is to be expected-as you say we are human and respond as such.
If we had supportive relatives maybe we would not need outside support but being aware and assertive goes a long way as survivors.
Jupiter

[Dragonfly]

Hi Jupiter

Vulnerable adult isn’t a diagnosis. It’s not an illness but a label. Please don’t be thinking that’s what you project to the outside world. As said already we are all vulnerable at times and not invincible. I got the label vulnerable witness at court. I didn’t like that but was glad of the extra help I got when giving my evidence.

I hear what you’re saying though. It’s a bit like they’ve said you don’t have the skills to do things yourself or you have victim written across your forehead. It’s bad enough dealing with the aftermath of abuse without someone labelling you.

Be assured you’re a bright, intelligent woman. No one can take that away from you xx

[Author]

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