Worrying times

[notagain]

I left my husband over (detail removed by Moderator) ago we are divorced we have 2 children who live with me i have residence. They have been coming home from contact saying things like you can’t make me do any thing, I don’t have to do what you say.

Over the past (detail removed by Moderator) months i have noticed sudden behaviour changes in my children my youngest started hitting out at me. I didn’t know why or understand what was happening to him. He wouldn’t tell me if there was something wrong he just got more and more frustrated at me calling me a liar and a stupid idiot. I went to the doctor with him to see if there was anything they could do they told me the school nurse was the way to go. After an initial assessment was done on my son it came back saying I needed to do the freedom programme i needed to do parenting courses I had to do counselling i was encouraged to take my children to (detail removed by Moderator). All of this done (detail removed by Moderator) down the line the children are now talking to my neighbour about things and behaviour has settled.

My eldest son has started (detail removed by Moderator) and is wanting to join in with all activities camping day trips and evening trips which i am letting him go on i asked the boys dad to swap a weekend in (detail removed by Moderator) so he can (detail removed by Moderator) to which (detail removed by Moderator) on he still hasn’t replied. My children on the last contact discussed the fact he had gone to (detail removed by Moderator). I will not write what my son told me his dad said because i was so utterly disgusted. But it started with I told you b****y mother I don’t want…. and ended with You b****y mother needs MY permission to let you go anywhere.

My eldest is also wanting to sleep out at friends houses but apparently he is not allowed unless my ex gives me permission to let him because he needs to make sure he is safe.

I am fed up of living in his shadow i just want to run away i may aswell just move back and live with him i feel like he knows everything i do. The children ask questions like is it true you (detail removed by Moderator)? Im at breaking point but i have to stay strong for my children all i have done is cry for the last week i don’t know what to do

[KIP.]

Sounds like you’ve done everything you can which is great. It also sounds like your ex still has his voice in your head. His opinion is not relevant to you or your parenting anymore. You don’t need his permission to allow your son to sleep out. You’re an adult, parent and can decide what is best for your child without his input. That’s just trying to control you again. Try the grey rock method where you learn to ignore him totally. No contact with him also helps minimise the damage. Try to stay calm when the kids ask you things that obviously come from him. I said to my son I though it wasn’t right and quite sad that his father would involve him and put him in an awkward position. Staying calm but putting the blame where it belongs. I think the NSPCC might have a helpline you might consider ringing. Once your confidence returns fully and your self esteem returns fully, you will be in a much stronger place to deal with his nonsense X

[notagain]

Thank you, I have spoken to NSPCC who really didn’t help matters they said i had to contact child services but every other professional who know my circumstances (doctor, Womans aid outreach, school, family hubs) have told me i don’t need to involve them. I want someone for my children to speak to because i don’t want to be accused of “putting words in their mouths”. I am in the process of (detail removed by Moderator) but i am scared of repercussions i don’t want to live like this any more i need to move on with my life…

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