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I feel like I can’t cope today I have told him I am going to divorce on grounds of adultery said no I’m not he is going to divorce me for bad behaviour I just don’t know how he can say that after he has emotional,sexualy and financialy abused me he is still with his new gf I wonder if he has started on her yet I know he is still drinking apparently she us kind and they laugh all the time together and go out all the time God I am hurting this is the worst time I’ve had I think
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Dear Mini Mayhem, i have just read over some of your older posts. He has been playing mind games, guilt tripping you, giving you false hope and deliberatly making you jealous since you first came on here. Together with this, he is leaving you short of money so you are really struggling. Every time that you have posted you have felt so awful due to his mixed messages, push and pull tactics, giving you glimpses of hope and winding you up. He is still pulling your strings and getting to you. I think you broke up some time ago didn’t you?
It will be the best thing for you state of mind for you to stick at NContact. I like the book No Contact by HG Tudor, its short to read and free to read on Amazon. It will tell you how to do it properly. When you have NC, the mind games and manipulation becomes more manageable and you have the gift back of your own thoughts, views and choices. You will be able to assess your life more clearly without damaging interuption. this communication with him is causing you so much upset, he is targetting your vulnerabilities. Is it an option for you to just apply for the divorce & serve it to him? without the need to tell him. X*X
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Do not believe a word he says. They are all total liars. Any contact with him is going to destroy you. I would go and see a solicitor. Most offer free initial advice. My ex had a gf and continued to stay in the marital home with me and rub my nose in it. It’s sport to them. They get a big kick thinking they can string you along. Distance yourself from him in every way you can. Don’t give him the opportunity to hurt you more.
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This is so hard and painful for you. It won’t always hurt as bad as this. He has to take control of the divorce. Its his way all the time. They all do that. They have to be in control. They always twist it around to say we are to blame. Keep getting support, this rejection is very hard.
She is his new victim. He is love bombing her. Unfortunately for her the smiles and the laughter and the good times won’t last. He is who he is. Unfortunately for her she will be hurting badly someday too, due to his abuse.
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My love bombing was at its most concentrated for about 4 months, hundreds and hundreds of texts all declaring undying love in poetic words. Amazing out of this world sex, telling me how beautiful I was, I really felt I had met my soulmate who I had been searching for all of my life. And then…………………very gradually & subtly, the odd mixed text. Texts not being returned for 4 or 5 hours. The odd subtle critism. That was just the start.
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Dear Mini Mayhem,
Huge hugs.
When I met my ex, I was always happy and laughing, a positive person. He slowly worked to wipe that smile off my face. I was able to be happy with everyone else, but too intimidated to be relaxed with him.
After he left, he sent a text saying ‘thank you for all the years of laughter’ in a sarcastic manner. Then he was seen with a new woman, and they were laughing a lot, apparently.
I knew immediately that he’d hooked this new woman, and that they must be at the honeymoon stage. She might naturally be a happy person, but I know that the poor woman – unless she gets rid of him- will end up sad and traumatised by him in the end.
Abusers can be particularly cruel when they have another partner lined up. But I can promise you, he will start to mistreat her soon enough. He will begin to complain about her, too.
If you want to divorce him, do it. As an abuser, he will try to take control. He will accuse you of things you aren’t guilty of, because that’s what these cruel abusers do. Don’t believe a word of it.
Keep away from him, don’t let his poison near you; hire a solicitor and do things formally.
I know you are going through dreadful pain right now, but going through the practicalities of getting this horrid man out of your life will lead you to so much of a better life.
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Hiya
N********t abusers don’t believe they have done anything wrong they believe they are entitled to everything and and thing so when it comes to divorce they believe is them that have been wronged when in fact they have done all the damage all on their own
do not take on any of the guilt . They will never change
Go no contact they can’t stand it
And leave it all to your lawyer
Have a look at chump lady it helps to understand
Big hugs X*x -
The ex abuser was faster with the divorce papers and the family court decided to divorce me for unreasonable behaviour, because I called the police when he tried to kill me. No joke.
Do not put his threat behind him. He is capable of doing this. You need to be quicker than him, otherwise the family court will support him.
We live in a patriarchal world that does everything to humiliate women. Never forget this and act quickly. -
Dear MM, like what LONC has said they cannot bear to lose control. LONCs first paragraphed mirrored my own situation. I didn’t like the way my ex treated me, he was horrible, after a catalogue of wrong doings I decided to finish with him and told him this. I felt relieved and knew it was the right decision. He then took control out of my hands by ending it and he has kept up this control over me since then. It is difficult to explain & sounds contradictory. It is so hard to put into words & get people to understand as it looks like I had ended it allready. No matter what, what happened at the end of our relationship swept the carpet from beneath my feet and was the cause of so much mental trauma afterwards. I was having counselling and I told her that he had taken away my control a bit like he had trampled on the choice that I had made.
Ditto what the other ladies have said, my ex told his family of which there are many and his friends lies about me and they all gave me the cold shoulder, complete untruths, it was horrible.
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