Would you classify this as abuse

[Needsomeadvice]

Hi,just looking to get other peoples perspectives before I decide whether to leave this relationship or not. Basically I am a stay at home mum with a (detail removed by moderator) and a (detail removed by moderator) year old. I do all the housework cooking and look after the kids 24/7. My husband works most days and spends his spare time at the gym. He doesn’t let me have any time to myself and he doesn’t allow me to go to the gym (something I done religiously before getting with him)
He pays all the bills and makes me feel bad about it constantly telling me to chip in when I have no income apart from child benefit.
He is constantly telling me I am a useless wife and mother.
I feel like I need to be brave and leave the relationship for the sake of my mental health but I don’t want to break the family up. Any advice appreciated.

[Better-days]

Hi need some advice I’m sorry you are going through this I know how it feels. your partner is abusive it’s not fair to be treated this way. When I first joined this forum I read some posts and thought no this isn’t me my life’s not too bad and so on but now I realise sadly it is. I have better knowledge and this forum saves me on the days I want to run away but I’m still in my relationship because of similar reasoning but I know I won’t be forever I hope u are ok and there r some amazing people on here with great advice if the time comes when u do want to leave. Xxxx

[SingleMomSurvivor]

Yes this is abuse. He is the one who has broken your family apart by being abusive, not you.

[Needsomeadvice]

Thank you for responding, I was so sure I wanted to leave this weekend but I tried speaking to him (detail removed by Moderator) about it and as always he made me feel bad about the kids not having a good lifestyle if i was to be a single mum. Just annoyed with myself that I let him win all the time after a conversation. But on the other hand he says things like I’m not going to beg you to stay. I’m just so confused. I don’t even like him as a person so why am I putting up with it.

[Lightning-Jet]

Hi there, the kids will feel happy and settled in a non-toxic environment. Abusers will manipulate by any means necessary and unfortunately children are a sure fire way to get at you – that is no reflection on you. You are a mother who wants best for her children.

There is no beginning or end to their arguments, but saying he isn’t going to beg you to stay; is said to make you feel unwanted, it is said on purpose to confuse you and make you second guess yourself.

Its an incredibly hard situation to remove yourself from.

I found reading up about trauma bonding helped me.

[StrongLife]

Mine used similar arguments around money. You may very well do better by yourself. It’s the financial control he is speaking of. He has no right to speak that way concerning money.

[Author]

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