13th February 2016 at 2:13 pm #9619HopespringsParticipant
I was on a child protection course.
I’ve read in the past about the effect abusive relationships have on children but it really hit home to me yesterday.
It made me think about my own childhood and upbringing and probably how I came to be in the relationship I was in and made me extremely grateful I never had children with my abuser.
I also know had I been on the course a few months ago it would have made me really emotional. Another positive step in realising how far I have come.
13th February 2016 at 2:38 pm #9622SerenityParticipant
Brilliant that you can recognise how far you have come.
Yes, be grateful that you had no children with him.
I think you are in a good place to see the effects of abuse as well as traits of abusers. I am sure this will protect you in the future x
13th February 2016 at 2:38 pm #9623WanderingCloudParticipant
Witnessing abuse definately affects children, the danger is when as a parent, we dont do anything about it to shield them or to councel them. I honestly dread how much it has affected my son witnessing extreme verbal abuse. I do tell hime that certain people you look up to and certain people you learn from in that you learn how NOT to behave.
My own upbringing was by a Narcissistic mother who emotionally and verbally abused me, my sisters and also my dad. This is why I also ended up being married to someone extremely similar. They are whats called Learned Behaviours in childhood, that we recognise abusive traits as normal and they when we meet someone abusive, we don’t think twice that it is destructive.
I feel guilty I didnt protect my son earlier but the honest truth is, I didn’t see it as abuse, I just accepted the shouting, the name calling, the bullying as part of who and how he was.
The strange thing is, even as a tiny baby, my son wouldnt settle with his dad but as soon as he came to me, he felt my love and would love snuggling up to me. Even now, as nearly a teenager, he constantly tells me how much he loves me but doesnt do this with his dad (and not from any involvement by me). Although he does love his dad, unfortunately he sees him for what and who he is which is pretty sad.
13th February 2016 at 5:36 pm #9628Confused123Participant
well done on how far u have got and like others have said it has such a impact on kids, more then we can ever imagine, i too just accepted his abuse as normal , thx god we got out with our kids
13th February 2016 at 6:54 pm #9631HopespringsParticipant
Thank you Serenity. I hope you’re right. I think through counselling and being more in tune with my feelings that I can see what’s happening and not ignore red flags X
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