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I’ve come to notice when a flare up is on the horizon. Before, I’d get so agitated, knew something wasnt right but couldn’t put my finger on it. You know that sinking feeling when something bad’s going to happen. I know it now for what it is. A few days ago I wrote either on the forum or in a pm to someone that, something was going to happen, and bring it on. Well it has. A family member has been taken into hospital, no worries there, BUT when I phoned him to say I’d left and tried to let him know i was still to go the messages , he was going mental cos he couldn’t find something, roaring down the phone that as usual I’d moved it etc etc etc. I could not get a word in, so I held the phone away from my ear, til I heard him say I need to go and before he’d gotten the last words out, I’d hung up on him. Normally I’d be pacing the floor, getting more and more anxious thinking about what he’s going to say when he comes in. And ladies, I just want to let you know, I’m not anxious, I don’t give a s..t😄
I’m going to have a coffee and read my book. If he starts, it’s grey rock or more to the point it’ll be no contact all night.
IWMB 😘 -
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I have the same reaction as Fizzylem, very happy for you and made me laugh 🤗 but simultasniously can’t help to ask myself if you are safe? I would think that logically your confidence would insert respect in anyone but you are dealing with an abuser. But you seem to know yours very well. I am so useless I still don’t know how to tell if someone is dangerous or not 😑
Anyhow I am pleased that you can decide on how you want to act and feel and that is basically having the control in your corner isn’t it. -
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Thanks all. Yes I do know him very well!! He’s ever so careful to not go full metal jacket but I’m very aware of how things could escalate. It would just take me not shutting up, what I’ve learned is to just not get into it. I’m no longer trying to diffuse situations or detract and distract. I guess I really just don’t care enough.
Hopelifejoy, Thanks for the concern for my relative, they’re old so hopefully it’s nothing life threatening but i’ve come to terms with the inevitable happening at some time.
Fizzylem, you’re so right, I’m noticing more and more how liberated I’m becoming, guess leaving is in the cards after all😉 and yes he’s been pretty violent over the years at times
EbonyRaven, I’m very mindful of being safe. I’ll never get into something I can’t get away from, promise💞 -
Just thought about you; my daughter got back from dads and from what she’s said it is clear to see he’s been undermining and disrespecting my parenting again, along with trying to control what goes on in our home – he’s showing her he doesn’t respect mum, showing her how to, messing with her head again, trying to come between my daughter and me, damage our relationship, infect it. It concerns me how this will effect how she sees herself in relation to men when she is older – is she learning that it is just part of life that women are below men – this is just her place? Thus setting her up for abuse. It clearly disables me as her helper sometimes too hey. I feel like saying youre not going again, and letting him fight for his access through court. BUT, I know she wants to see him, not a lot, just a little. Sigh.
Ive written it all down in my records – all feels and is very petty. Makes me think that no court will be interested in this petty stuff – but I really do have a shed loads of the stuff. A few weeks ago he deliberatly threw her empty pot on my drive – its small stuff and pathetic but when my child expereinces this all the time its insidious poison to her hey.
Anyway, started to reel a bit, but then thought about the kind of day you’re having! And told myself, let him get on with it!
Cant wait for the day you post you are gone IWMB, that will be a good day xx
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Aw Fizzylem, that’s lovely of you to think of me when you’re having such a time too. But that’s us all over isn’t it, thinking of others. Plus I find trying to help even just a wee bit on here, giving support and advice, it’s my way of pretending things are normal, we’re just everyday women having a chat, putting the world to rights. 💜
That’s the right attitude, let him get on with it😄, remind yourself of all he does, laugh at the foolishness and pettiness of it all. Take comfort in knowing that as your daughter gets older, seeing dad won’t be a priority and if he pushes and bullies her to do so, she’ll end up cutting ties with him. They do see through them, she probably does now, but feels she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, let him down. But it’s those very feelings that we’ve been brought up on that has let abusive men into our lives. Guide her to make her own boundaries and let her know it’s okay to say no even if it hurts someones feelings, because her feelings matter too. It’s not selfish or self centred to put her feelings first. Mind though, she might practice on you💛
Have a good weekend, hope you laugh out loud often. Laughter truly is good for the soul. A friend and I had a right belly laugh last week on the phone, it was one of those that I used to have as a teenager when my best friend stayed over. You know the type, you laugh til you almost pee yourself.IWMB 💕💕
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Lol you’re spot on; she does practice on me for sure! It’s like she’s a different person with each parent – he says she’s awkward, lacks confidence and is quiet when with him ‘what is wrong with her, its your fault you wrap her up too much and suffercate her’. I get all the anger but I also get her truth and honesty! I need to remind myself this will come to an end, she has entered the stage where she can choose for herself, this is now begining, although I get the blame for that too lol, when she says she doesnt want to go or come home early. I’ve got to have faith it will come good for her. She already chooses to keep her visits short, he’s too much for her, she sees him as someone who she needs to take care of, avoid conflict at all costs and doesnt feel he takes care of her that much at all; reading what you wrote about how she probably feels and what she does is spot on. We’re currently in talks about her feelings being just as important as dads and everyone elses – she does say and think she is selfish if she were to go against what dad wants – but we are on it!
You cant beat a belly full of laughs! You too, have a good weekend basking in that light you’ve found! Good init!!xx
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