- This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 4 years, 5 months ago by
Camel.
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18th August 2020 at 8:58 am #112360
PaleBlueStar
ParticipantMy husband has become increasingly abusive. He knows our marriage is over and is scared about his future and has always refused to work. He controls everything and has nearly broken me with his bullying and abuse during lockdown.
He has now created a new rule. That I need to be MUCH MUCH more greatful for anything he does and publically thank and praise him. I have long been in the regime that if I speak to any friends and family on the phone he will listen in to ensure I say things like ‘X is working so hard. I am so lucky to have him’. ‘X has just cooked amazing meal – I just could not work as hard as I do without him’. I have covered for him for years and years.
So now I am saying I can’t go on – people say ‘you are tired, you need a holiday’ etc etc
To the world he is good looking. Hard working. Charming. We run a business together. Well I do the work and he does the invoicing and squirrels the money away.
And here is the thing.
I am not at all greatful for the pitiful things he does. I can’t get any work out of him yet I have to thank him for trying (and failing) to get me onto my PC or fixing a lightbulb temporarily etc I am lucky he says. I can not live without him he says. I need to be more greatful and if i am not I will get more abuse. And my son will.
I spoke to a solicitor about an Occupation order but he said I need a serious incident of physical violence which he is too clever for. He talked about a Non Molestation order.
I’ve tried to get him to agree to a split of our assests (100% provided by me) and of course he does not want to give up what he has as he has a great time. Total control. No work. Money to buy treats. He (detail removed by moderator) alot and volunteers if you don’t mind. He has a great public profile.
HELP
HELP
HELPHow can I move forward?
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18th August 2020 at 7:28 pm #112415
Lottieblue
ParticipantStar, I’m bumping this. I can’t give you advice but there will be somebody wise who can. Thinking of you x*x
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19th August 2020 at 10:18 pm #112477
Camel
ParticipantHi PaleBlueStar
I think you should probably hire an auditing accountant to audit your business. They should check everything to trace where income has gone. They should also give you a realistic valuation on the business. If your household expenses and salaries are paid for by the business they will also need to take this into account.
Rather than splitting the business 50/50 you could consider buying him out. If he’s been siphoning off cash he will have devalued the business and shot himself in the foot.
Also hire a solicitor experienced in domestic abuse. Look at all options around splitting assets. Whether you can force a sale of the family home, for example. Whether your husband can actually refuse to engage with the process.
I would also speak to WA or a similar organisation to get advice on how to extricate yourself safely. Stop discussing divorce/dividing assets with your husband until you have all the information you need and have a an exit plan. Keep everything to yourself and try not to change your behaviour around him – don’t let him become suspicious.
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19th August 2020 at 10:30 pm #112479
Chestnut
ParticipantHello I a gree with Camel. I am not sure about your business but with the house if you have a joint mortgage you would be able to force a sale if needed, if he gets the impression you have sought legal advice and you know your rights maybe he will decide splitting the assets out of court is a better option and cheaper in solicitor fees or he holds his ground but you should be able to still force a sale which would at least enable you to move on from living with him.
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19th August 2020 at 10:37 pm #112480
Camel
ParticipantI didn’t answer your question about having to be extra grateful. If he still listens in to your phone conversations, let others know he’s there. You can say that he cooked the most amazing dinner, then say something like ‘it was delicious, thank you so so much. It was great to come home to.’
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