“You spend so long putting everything you want to one side you stop mattering to

[magicunicorn]

“You spend so long putting everything you want to one side, you stop mattering to yourself” this really hit me. this is exactly how I feel & its such a shame. :'(

[Herindoors]

I was like this as well and it is a shame. Its taken a while but I am slowly getting back to putting myself first. It’s just little things like when I cook I would look for the nicest piece of meat for him because he would complain otherwise. Shopping for clothes just because I want to and not justifying every penny I spent. But most importantly, having emotions. Allowing myself to be happy, sad, angry, peed off, joyous – instead of being an emotionaless blank because I was not allowed to show emotion when i was with him.
take care xx

[Falling Skys]

I learnt not to want anything because he would take it away from me. Even now I find it hard to dream as I worry he will take it away from me.

But today I have been out and done things that I want I felt very indulgent but in truth it was being normal.

We will get there.

FS x

[Serenity]

It’s true, you put yourself last and lose your identity, either because they actively suppress you or you just get too exhausted to express yourself anymore. They zap any final bit of energy.

I pandered to him so much in many ways. Like HA, biting him fine cuts of meat to keep him happy, letting him go travelling alone, whilst we were left at home like Cinderellas.

But all isn’t lost. I read that you necessarily have to put your own identity on hold when with an abuser. When you’re out, you can rebuild yourself over time. X

[Serenity]

It’s true, you put yourself last and lose your identity, either because they actively suppress you or you just get too exhausted to express yourself anymore. They zap any final bit of energy.

I pandered to him so much in many ways. Like HA, biting him fine cuts of meat to keep him happy, letting him go travelling alone, whilst we were left at home like Cinderellas.

But all isn’t lost. I read that you necessarily have to put your own identity on hold when with an abuser. When you’re out, you can rebuild yourself over time.

I sent to the dentist yesterday. I brush my teeth well, but I ever had any money for a hygienist so I didn’t care for my teeth as so could have. I ended up having two teeth out, a few years ago, one of which I am really self-conscious. I asked the dentist if he could fix things to make me look better. I’m even having a brace fitted to straighten my bottom teeth!

I neglected myself for so long- my health, my looks, my fitness, my learning, my peace… well, no longer! X

X

[magicunicorn]

I do feel like I don’t know how to put my self first, I don’t think I ever will until its all over. when I have tried to make myself look nicer ( made an effort) I don’t get noticed anymore then usual so I tend not to bother. when I go to work I look presentable as I work with the public so I feel its only right to do so. Its so strange reading other peoples comments and how you sit there and think ‘he does that to’ or ‘I do that to’. I always have less food so he can have more, even if he saves it for later at least its there. most days I don’t even have a dinner I just pick and cook for him and my girls. although the kids are easier to please then he is. the other day at work the deputy manager said to me ” are you ok, you really don’t seem your self, I haven’t seen you smile once today so I know something’s up?” I just burst into tears I don’t know what happened I just fell apart. he took me into the office and we had a chat, it really helped. all has been quiet at home and partner is being fine with me at the moment, but i just couldn’t hold it together. does anyone else find it hard putting on a brave face , day in and day out. i even have to do it at home with him as it just causes him to moan if im showing im miserable or hurting. Sometimes wonder if the real me is actually in there anymore. xxxx

[Healthyarchive]

I just wanted to chip in, i’m out of the toxic horrible situation now so i’m functioning better, but I know when I was in it how screwed up I was. I can appreciate how difficult it is for you right now Magicunicorm, it won’t be like this forever. I’ve got quite a few self care and health books, I think if you can try to eat lots of fruit & vegetables, exercise at least 3 times a week preferably more, drink water, try to sleep well and do things that make you feel good. If you can eat healthy nutritious food and get exercise outdoors that is a tonic. There was an article on the news recently which i wrote down and have pinned it up indoors. It was encouraging people to think ‘What Makes You Well?”. Most people focus on what makes them ill, smoking, stress etc. But I have pinned this up indoors and written underneath what makes me well, I have written avoiding stress, eating healthily etc. It seems to motivate me every day. I can appreciate and know when you are in an abusive relationship just getting through the next hour unscathed is enough & its not possible to care for yourself. There are many devices on the market now which makes it easy for you to eat 5 plus portions of fruit & veg a day without noticing you are doing it. I have 8+ portions of fruit & veg per day as drinks using my blender, they are delicious and really healthy, they don’t need to be expensive. You sleep better and feel calmer when away from the toxic negativity too. X*X

[magicunicorn]

that’s great advice, thanks. exercise does make me feel loads better, now is a good time to start again. I can go for a jog. 🙂 I was thinking of joining a gym but im saving what little cash I can to use for when i NEED it so me and the girls will manage money wise. plenty of things i can do without joining the gym im sure. well here’s to a hopefully a happy week ladies 🙂

[Confused123]

Seriously nhow do these men sleep, my ex wwas the same, i used to love jewwellery but hed always rip it off , degrade me that in end u just stop buying it , we just lose ourselves within them trying to please them, im so glad i am out odf hte realtionship now, your right putting a brave act on is so hard , i think sometimes we even fool ourseslves we get so good at putting a brave act on. Sending u hug, u not alone and hope u get out too soon

[magicunicorn]

thanks confused123, I feel like im waiting for a right time to leave but I don’t see there being one. its hard when the kids have things happening at school they want to do (detail removed by moderator) and things. I feel like If I keep going for a little longer soon the time will arise. then other times I just lye there and I think Really, what the hell am I doing! wish I had a place I could just go away to with the girls, everything they need and never have to worry about having to come back. Back to reality a x*x

[magicunicorn]

is it ok to just up and leave?

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