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Been wondering if there are any mums out there that feel they have anything to pass on to others after going through court. Any regrets? What you learnt? Things you may have done differently? Anything you know now you didn’t know then? A pro and a con maybe?
If you reply, please can you be mindful not to post any case specifics otherwise the post will be removed; please reply in general terms. e.g. left me thinking or feeling; I realised this; it impacted on the child in this way etc.
Would be helpful to know to consider. I have a friend whose been through it who has told me to avoid it at all costs, it’s left me worried. My situation is that he was/is abusive to me but my child still wishes to maintain a relationship with him. There are no child protection issues great enough to warrant no access. Thanks. FL.x
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Sometimes you have to keep going back.
This will not fill you with comfort at all, and I am sorry.
I have learnt that judges do not always see the affect that psychological abuse has on people, or see the cycle of abuse. (Detail removed by moderator). They will not understand that people wear suits and have a disguise in front of the public. They will not accept that the cycle of abuse does not just mean neglect.
We know that abusers create the cycle of abuse. They can hunt down vulnerable people, people who have already been abused, and gain trust. some family court judges do not get that, and will say for the children’s “safety” they will put the children with the abuser.
DO NOT contact members of ex’s family or friends expressing that you are worried about the children’s safety, or contact the school on these things else you may be seen to be spreading allegations or harassing people. Make sure for each point you make, you have evidence. Even after the final hearing, if he gets too much access then record everything so you can take it back. And, it will take time.
Do not expect family court to know about safeguarding. The fears we have as mothers, due to knowing x does not mean the judge will be sympathetic or understanding. Criminal courts understand what victims are, family courts seem not to.
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without being condesending to the officials that make these decisions ie CAFCASS or ad litem’s i said from the start i know you are the expert in this so with all due respect i have been reading about the family dynamics of abuse and this is clearly (in my experience) (detail removed by moderator) we have to safe guard our children by getting abusive men out of the house (including emotional abuse because we cant under play that) but then were asked to facilitate contact after theyve gone. so why do we ignore dv now in this context?? we have to address this as child protection because emotional abuse does affect the kids inevitably – we have to say well ive been protecting them now we keep going. we have to recognise dv in the family courts its too great to ignore the statistics of dv are massive xx
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