Bamboo

[Bamboo]

Hi,Itwillbeokay
You said that this special occasion was something he wasn’t fussed about before. So I can’t imagine all of a sudden that it’s especially important to him.
What it is though, is an oppertunity for him to do exactly what he is doing. Making you feel guilty.
Like you said you did not book the holiday and even if you did there is nothing wrong with getting away for a bit with your family.
He has obviously manipulated his mother into thinking he is ‘deppressed’ and you are the cause of it all. She is only trying to protect her son, misguided as it may be.
I can imagine how hurtful him not recieveing the card you sent would have been.
Regarding his texts this sounds like complete and utter guilt trip and implicating you in the fact things didnt work out. Standard response from abusers to put the blame anywhere other than on themselves.

You done a good thing for yourself and your children you took them away on holiday, what child doesn’t love a holiday? In my eyes you are being a strong and fantastic mother in a very difficult circumstances.
For now if you can go no contact other than child arrangements then that would give you the space you need. All he is doing is digging up emotions in you he knows will affect you.
As hard as it is please don’t let him do it.
You done nothing wrong. The problem is his so leave it to him to deal with it. You have enough on your plate.
Sending you hugs and strength. xx

~Bamboo

[Bamboo]

Thanks KIP for your reply, your elephant analogy made me smile. As far as him having contact with our son is concerned you are right.
He had never spent any longer than a few hours alone with him and even that he couldn’t handle.
I went out to run some errands one day and when I came back he(my son) had a red eye (indide and around) which turned into bruising in the next couple of days. I took pictures but I can’t prove that it wasn’t an accident.
What was alarming though was that when I got back he never mentioned anything about it until I noticed it. So I confronted him about it asking how did it happen he says he left the room heard our son crying came back and his face was like that. I couldn’t let it go so I kept asking and every time his story changed.
There are other small things as well that set alarm bells ringing regarding his care of our son.
So I think I will give Rights for Woman a right for advice because I don’t want him anywhere near him. He is not capable of looking after a child never mind a baby.
He has (Detail removed by Moderator) children in a different country that he has no contact with and contributs nothing towards their care.
Funnily enough he didnt tell me any of this, I had no idea he had other kids till after I was pregnant and his sister told me. And yet he still managed to pull me back in. How could I have been so gulable and stupid?

[Bamboo]

Great advice and words there Maddog. This is an adventure. Thank you for that, it gives me a new positive perspective on the situation.

[Author]

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